IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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New generations have different principles
as compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to previous generations. It is often argued that when both parents are
working
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working,
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 they raise children who lack
dicipline
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discipline
. I personally think that
children
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children's
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 behaviour not only depends upon parents
but
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, but
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 other factors like school teachers, friends and social media
also
Linking Words
 play an essential role in their upbringing. Parents who are successful in their careers raise better

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task response
Your main view is clear: parents are not the only cause of poor child behaviour. However, the essay stops in the middle of the next point, so it does not fully answer the question. Write a full ending that clearly says how far you agree or disagree.
task response
Explain each cause in more detail. For example, show how a teacher, a friend group, or social media can change a child’s behaviour. Add one simple real-life example for each main point.
task response
Be careful not to make a new claim without support. The line about parents who do well at work raising better children needs an explanation, or it may seem to go against your first view.
coherence and cohesion
The first paragraph has a clear order: topic, common view, then your own view. Keep this plan in the body: one main idea in each paragraph, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “In the end”. This will help the reader follow your view.
coherence and cohesion
Finish every paragraph. The last sentence is not complete, so the reader cannot understand the point you planned to make. Add a final paragraph that brings all your ideas together.
task response
You give a direct personal view in the introduction instead of only repeating the question.
task response
You identify several useful causes beyond parents, including teachers, friends, and social media.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction moves from the general topic to your own position in a clear way.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental supervision
  • long working hours
  • work-life balance
  • quality time
  • set clear boundaries
  • consistent discipline
  • household rules
  • reasonable consequences
  • permissive parenting
  • parental involvement
  • a sense of responsibility
  • good role models
  • behavioural problems
  • peer pressure
  • social media influence
  • family routines
  • open communication
  • flexible working arrangements
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