Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages or disadvantages for their study?

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Introduction
There are
sivergent
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several
opinions about academic
success
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. On
this
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topic, I partially agree about
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work
Replace the word
working
for a
period
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of
time
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instead
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of going directly to
universicy
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university
.
Body paragraph 1
First,
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it is evident that challenging
a
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apply
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diverse
experiences
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instead
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of attending university
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such
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, such
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as
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travel
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travelling
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or
wor
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working
for a
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period
Punctuation problem
period,
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is convincing because experiencing various
experiences
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help
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helps
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students
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successfull their life in the long run.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that
continue to
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continuing
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their
carrer
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career
show examples
path after
fluent
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gaining sufficient
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experience
help
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helps
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them
stack
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accumulate
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a lot of basic
experiences
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of
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in
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society and
release
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relieves
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their academic stress.
For example
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, many
sucessful
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successful
workers have said that the key to their
success
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is experiencing diverse situations through
travel
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or
work
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a short
time
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. As
this
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illustrates,
broaden
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broadening
show examples
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students
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students'
show examples
experiences
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is the best way to achieve their
success
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
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It
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it
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is clear that spending
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student's
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students'
show examples
time
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for
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on
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travel
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or
work
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for a
period
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time
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of time
show examples
may
allows
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allow
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them to waste
of
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apply
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time
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.
This
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is because doing these are
time
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consuming, which may
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students
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cause students
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forget
Verb problem
to forget
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their
aknowledge
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knowledge
.
For instance
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, many recent studies have shown that
long term
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long-term
travel
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or
work
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can considerably influence to
student
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's academic
socre
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scores
.
This
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shows that
traveling
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travelling
show examples
or working for a
period
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can badly affect
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student's
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students'
show examples
academic
works
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work
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, it is true that
travel
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or
work
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for a short
time
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instead
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of going directly to university can help
students
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to achieve
a
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apply
show examples
success
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due to
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their abundant experience.
However
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,
it is clear that
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some
students
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would get a bad academic score
by
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due to
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their choices. In these points, I would firmly argue that challenging
to
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apply
show examples
diverse
experience
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experiences
show examples
when
somone
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someone
is
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student
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a student
show examples
has both advantages and disadvantages
due to
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the
discussed above factors
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factors discussed above
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say how travel or work can help later study, not only life or work success. Also explain how a break may harm study, such as by making it hard to go back to reading, writing, and tests.
task response
Make your view clear in the first and last parts. You say you partly agree, but the essay does not clearly say when a break is a good choice and when it is not.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a real example. The examples now are very general, such as “many successful workers” and “many recent studies.” Give one clear case and explain how it supports the point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph on good points, one paragraph on bad points, then a short conclusion. Your essay mostly follows this plan, but some sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one direct main idea. For example: “A year of work can help students choose the right subject.” Then add reasons and an example that stay on this one idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “First,” “However,” and “To sum up” are useful, but some links do not show the exact meaning. Keep sentences short and make the subject clear: “This break may make students forget what they learned.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words and ideas, especially “experience” and “success.” Use clear, simple words such as “skills,” “work life,” “study habits,” and “future plans.”
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of taking time to travel or work before university.
task response
You give a clear possible good point: students can learn about work life and have less school stress.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic signposts such as “First,” “However,” and “To sum up,” which help the reader see the main parts.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...
Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving abilities
  • horizons
  • creativity
  • adaptability
  • gap year
  • academic rigor
  • financial constraints
  • long-term educational goals
  • academic pursuits
  • academic ambitions
What to do next:
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