IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that government should not spend too much money on space exploration . Do you agree or Disagree ?

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Introduction
Some people argue that governments should cut back on
space
Use synonyms
exploration
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 budgets.
However
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, I believe
space
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exploration
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 can answer fundamental questions about the universe and deepen our understanding of the world.
Body paragraph 1
Space
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exploration
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 produces discoveries that no other field of research can offer
,
Punctuation problem
. For
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for example
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, research on Mars has revealed evidence that the planet once had liquid water, raising the possibility that microbial life may have existed there.
This
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 could help answer whether we are alone in the universe, a question humanity has asked for centuries.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
space
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 can help us with our daily life,
for example
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, estimating weather conditions
such
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 as hurricanes and floods, warning people to evacuate in time. GPS
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also can
Correct word order
can also
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 save lives. If someone becomes lost in the desert and does not know where they are,
GPS
Correct article usage
a GPS
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 can locate them.
Additionally
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, satellite television broadcasts news and entertainment to millions of homes.
Body paragraph 3
Admittedly, we have problems which cost lives,
such
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 as world hunger and poverty. Why should we spend more money on going to Mars? It can sound selfish and careless.
While
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space
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exploration
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 is expensive, it does not divert funds from charities
,
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;
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for example
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, the United States uses taxpayer dollars to finance its own economic and scientific projects. Countries with big
space
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 programs
also
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 run large aid budgets; the two are not in competition. Hunger and poverty are political problems, not funding shortages. More money alone has not solved them.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 some people believe governments should prioritise problems
such
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 as poverty, I believe the scientific knowledge and practical benefits of
space
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exploration
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 justify its cost.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way in the first part. Say clearly that you disagree with large cuts, rather than only saying that space work has value.
task response
Explain the link between each example and public money more fully. For example, say how weather data can help people leave before a storm and can cut harm.
task response
Your point about hunger is useful, but the claim that it is not a lack-of-money problem is very strong. Add a short reason or use softer words, such as “not only a lack-of-money problem.”
task response
Give one clear example of a space program leading to a daily use. This will make the point about the cost more real and easy to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: view, two main points, the other side, and end. Keep this order in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer “for example” phrases in close parts. You can join ideas with words like “also”, “as a result”, and “because of this” to make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Make the start of the last body part clearer. For example: “Some people say this money should go to hunger and poverty instead.” This shows the change of idea at once.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body part, keep each use of space in one clear group: weather safety, GPS help, and TV. Add a short link after the list to show why all three matter.
task response
You answer the question and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You use clear and useful examples, such as Mars, storms, GPS, and satellite TV.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one main idea, so the reader can follow your view with ease.
coherence and cohesion
The final part sums up your view well and links back to poverty and the value of space work.
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