IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Even when poor countries get help from rich countries, hunger is still an issue. Discuss probable causes and solutions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.

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Introduction
In contemporary
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 poor
countries
Use synonyms
 would seek help from the wealthier
countries
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Despite
them
Replace the word
their help
helping
Punctuation problem
helping,
show examples
 it seems never enough to feed the whole country
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 an issue that would never die
Body paragraph 1
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example Palastine , Its a
week
Use the right word
weak
show examples
 country with no money , No Soldiers nor Army. All
due to
Linking Words
 many asian
countries
Use synonyms
 that would always reach out to help it all seems to never be enough , saudi arabia when king Abdullah bin saud sent over 60,000 of food and clothing's and till
this
Linking Words
 day Palestine is still suffering since
then
Linking Words
 from hunger , coldness , money and even houses , some of their houses were wreaked and they have no where to live , and on my point of view i think there's no solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem except stopping the war and everyone goes back to how they were which is kind of impossible since palestine and many other
countries
Use synonyms
 like ; ukraine and afghanistan are suffering from the same problem.
Body paragraph 2
Overall
Linking Words
 , I believe our new generation
had came
Wrong verb form
has come
show examples
 to
relization
Correct your spelling
realisation
 and started to speak up online about
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of problems.
Therefore
Linking Words
 i'm always glad that technology made everyone see
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
Use synonyms
countries
Check wording
countries'
show examples
 point of view and how to reach out and
doinate
Correct your spelling
donate
 online and always be there to help emotionally through out a screen
Conclusion
In the end , from my perspective i believe that no matter how many food or clothings or even money we send , no matter how many it would be it would shortly come to an end and they'd run poor again , so my solution would be for them to work i know it wont be an enormous amount of grand but it would be enough to feed their families , and sometimes just being with your family during thick & thin it counts as being rish , having your family alive and in a good state of health is more than enough.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Give two or three causes of hunger, then give a solution for each cause. Your main cause is war, but you need other causes too, such as poor roads, weak farming, and aid not reaching the people who need it.
task response
Keep the ideas about Palestine, but be careful with facts and words. One example cannot stand for all poor countries. You can also use a general example: food may arrive at a port, but bad roads and war can stop it from reaching small towns.
task response
Make your solutions more full. Stopping war is important, but it may take time. Add short-term help, like food, clean water, and safe places to live, and long-term help, like farms, schools, jobs, roads, and fair local work.
task response
Your last idea about people working is useful, but explain how this can happen. In a war area, many people may have no safe place to work. Say that rich countries can help people find work by paying for farms, small shops, and job training.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first, say your main view; next, write causes; then, write solutions; last, sum up your answer. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “One main cause is war.” Then explain it and give an example. Do not put many different ideas in one very long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in the right place: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “However.” This will show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid moving from hunger to online support and family life without a clear link. These ideas are kind, but they do not fully answer why food aid fails or how hunger can end.
coherence and cohesion
Check basic word forms and full stops. For example, write “Palestine,” “weak country,” “there is nowhere to live,” “donate,” and “rich.” Clear, short sentences will help your meaning.
task response
You clearly see that war can make hunger worse by breaking homes, jobs, and food supply.
task response
You try to give a real example and you also give your own view on a possible solution.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, body parts, and an ending, so the reader can see your general plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some signpost words, such as “Overall,” “Therefore,” and “In the end,” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Colonialism
  • Foreign exploitation
  • International trade policies
  • Financial systems
  • Food insecurity
  • Agricultural productivity
  • Civil unrest
  • Governance
  • Misallocation
  • Climate change
  • Natural disasters
  • Subsistence farming
  • Commercial farming
  • Technological advances
  • Self-reliance
  • Sustainable food sources
  • International aid
  • Food security
  • Community-focused initiatives
  • Systemic causes
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