IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to have temporary jobs, which means they only work a few months in a year and use the rest of the time to do what they want. What is your opinion?

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There is a prevailing notion that temporary jobs offer greater flexibility and freedom compared to full-
time
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employment
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, allowing
individuals
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 to allocate their
time
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 as they please.
While
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 it is true that temporary
employment
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 can yield a substantial
income
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, I contend that the stability and security provided by full-
time
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 positions outweigh the benefits of temporary work.
To begin
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 with,
individuals
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 engaged in temporary jobs enjoy the flexibility to balance work and personal life.
However
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, the unpredictable nature of their earnings often renders saving money challenging, leaving them vulnerable in times of financial need.
For instance
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, in emergencies
such
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 as unexpected medical expenses, having a stable
income
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 becomes indispensable.
According to
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 recent statistics, over 60% of
individuals
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 in temporary positions struggle to save money
due to
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 fluctuating incomes. In my country, securing loans for significant investments like real estate typically necessitates proof of stable
employment
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 and
income
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.
On the contrary
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, temporary
employment
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 can be advantageous for those adept at financial management and
time
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 allocation. Despite the fluctuating
income
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,
individuals
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 must exercise prudence in budgeting and expenditure.
Moreover
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, the surplus
time
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 available can be utilized for self-improvement
endeavors
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endeavours
show examples
,
such
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 as acquiring new skills or languages.
While
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 additional job opportunities may augment earnings, effective
time
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 management becomes paramount. Transitioning between jobs smoothly can
also
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 be challenging;
however
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, with proper planning and foresight,
individuals
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 can mitigate these challenges. In light of the aforementioned considerations, the conclusion becomes apparent.
While
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 temporary
employment
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 facilitates a
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 work-life balance and offers opportunities for personal development, it
also
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 entails inherent risks and uncertainties.
Therefore
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, I advocate for full-
time
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employment
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 as it provides a dependable
income
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 foundation and greater financial security.

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What works well

2
balanced-argument

The essay includes a balanced discussion, weighing both sides of the argument before concluding, which is critical for a complete response.

idea-expression

You have demonstrated a strong ability to articulate complex ideas clearly and comprehensively. Such skills are highly valued in conveying your standpoint effectively.

Improvement Suggestions

3
structure

You've presented a well-organized argument with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, which strongly supports your viewpoint.

examples

To further enhance your essay, consider incorporating more specific, real-world examples to substantiate your points. These examples act as powerful tools to provide clarity and depth to your arguments.

cohesion

Good use of transitions and cohesive devices has contributed to the clarity and flow of your essay. This is commendable and significantly aids in maintaining the reader's engagement.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • flexibility
  • pursue
  • self-development
  • life satisfaction
  • balance
  • job security
  • financial instability
  • stress and anxiety
  • unemployment
  • long-term financial commitments
  • diverse experiences
  • employability
  • broader perspective
  • adaptable
  • innovative
  • career progression
  • benefits
  • personal growth
  • financial security
  • invest
  • career milestones
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