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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some people believe that primary schools place too much importance on formal learning and do not provide
children
Use synonyms
 with enough opportunities to play. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because academic subjects are essential for
children
Use synonyms
’s development, but I
also
Linking Words
 believe that play is equally important for their social, physical and emotional growth.
Body paragraph 1
Formal learning is an important part of primary
education
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 because
children
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 need to develop basic knowledge and skills from an early age. Subjects
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, reading and science provide a strong foundation for their future
education
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.
For example
Linking Words
, learning basic mathematical operations at primary school helps
children
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 deal with more difficult topics when they enter secondary school.
In addition
Linking Words
, regular classroom lessons can teach
children
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 discipline, concentration and responsibility.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it would be a mistake for primary schools to reduce formal
education
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 too much, as
children
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 need academic knowledge to succeed in later stages of their
education
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
children
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 should have enough time to play
as well as
Linking Words
 study. Playing helps young
children
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 develop important social and physical skills that cannot always be learned through traditional lessons. When
children
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 participate in group games, they learn how to communicate, cooperate, share and solve conflicts with others. Physical activities can
also
Linking Words
 improve their health and coordination.
Moreover
Linking Words
, educational games can make learning more enjoyable and encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to participate actively in lessons.
For instance
Linking Words
, teachers can use puzzles, role-playing and team competitions to teach subjects
such
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 as mathematics or English.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
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 can learn important academic concepts
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 having fun.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 formal learning is necessary for
children
Use synonyms
’s academic development, I do not believe that it should dominate the entire primary school experience. Play is
also
Linking Words
 essential because it helps
children
Use synonyms
 develop social, physical and emotional skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, primary schools should provide a healthy balance between studying and playing so that
children
Use synonyms
 can develop in a well-rounded way.

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task response
Your answer deals with both parts of the question. To make it even stronger, say more clearly why some schools may give too much time to formal work. This would show the other side of your view in more detail.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. You could add one more real or clear school example, such as a short game in a reading class, to make your points feel more real.
task response
Your view is clear: school work matters, but play must also have a key place. Keep this clear view from the start to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear plan: introduction, one part on formal learning, one part on play, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “However”, “Moreover”, “For example”, and “Therefore”, help the reader follow your ideas. Try not to use too many links in the same way; some ideas can be joined with shorter, more direct sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear main idea and gives reasons for it. You can make the link between the two body parts even smoother by saying that play can support school work, not only sit next to it.
task response
You answer every part of the question and give a clear, balanced view.
task response
The points about basic skills, group games, health, and learning through games are useful and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a good order, and the final paragraph clearly brings your main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
The examples of maths, puzzles, role play, and team work support your ideas well.
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