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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people spend most of their time lives living close to where they born.what are the reasons and explain advantage and disadvantage

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Introduction
Living in the same area where they were born is one of the choices that the population decide to spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will explain a few factors behind their decision
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and describe what are the advantages and disadvantages of staying locally.
Body paragraph 1
The reasons vary among the society. First and foremost, they choose to live in their hometown because they can stay close to their families and friends. As they are in the same town, they usually live
together with
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 their family.
For example
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, many of them, especially in Asian culture, still live under the same roof with their parents as long as they are not married yet. As they have known each other for a long
time
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, it creates strong bonds between them.
Furthermore
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, some people do not go abroad as they already have a stable job or a permanent home in their city.
Therefore
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, they do not have the urgency to move.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, staying locally brings several advantages,
such
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 as increasing quality
time
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 and reducing stress.
For instance
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, there is a family of three consisting of a father, a mother and one kid, where they can improve their relations by going on vacation every weekend.
This
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 is possible as they live together in the same town.
Moreover
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, people who choose to stay where they are already familiar with the area do not need to adapt to the new environment, which can minimise their stress level.
This
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 is because they really know their surroundings, like schools, hospitals, public facilities or even restaurants.
For example
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, they truly understand where the best restaurant serving delicious food and with that, they are not stressed to pick food for lunch.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, choosing their hometown leads to disadvantages. Especially in little towns or rural areas, they may face limited career opportunities. Because it is only a small city, job opportunities may be accessible for a few fields, like government institutions, schools, or hospitals.
As a result
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, they are on limit to choose what kind of work they want.
Furthermore
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, not only that, but it may
also
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 decrease the exposure to different cultures that will broaden their knowledge.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some people choose to stay in their hometown
due to
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 family matters and sufficient life. If they can stay close with their relatives, have proper work, and have already built a good house, they do not find any reason to leave.
Moreover
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, staying there can give them a lot of advantages,
such
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 as having a good
time
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 with their loved ones or a comfort zone to live in,
although
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 it can limit their career opportunities and lessen their perspective.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more direct way. Give clear reasons first, then give the good and bad points. Your main ideas are good, but some need more full support.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about choosing a restaurant does not strongly show why living in a home town lowers stress. Explain the link more clearly.
task response
Make the last bad point more clear. Say how less contact with other people and ways of life can limit a person's view of the world.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main body, and end. Keep one main idea in each paragraph, and make each example directly support that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'Furthermore' and 'For example' are useful, but do not add them where the next sentence does not fully build on the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the wording is not clear. For example, change 'they are on limit to choose' to 'they have limited choices'.
task response
You discuss why people stay near where they were born, and you cover both good and bad points.
task response
Your points about family, friends, work, stress, and jobs are related to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear order: reasons, good points, bad points, and a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion brings the main ideas together.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • hometown
  • place of birth
  • close-knit community
  • family ties
  • social support network
  • familiar surroundings
  • sense of belonging
  • settle down
  • stable lifestyle
  • local job opportunities
  • family business
  • affordable housing
  • inherit a property
  • cost of living
  • emotional security
  • career prospects
  • limited opportunities
  • broaden one's horizons
  • personal independence
  • cultural exposure
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