IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is Important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age, punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

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Introduction
I believe
,
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apply
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 that
children
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 need rules and results. And punishment is not the only way to teach
children
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. 
 First of all,
children
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 have to be taught the concept of right and wrong. They only begin with the building fundamental
believes
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beliefs
.
Therefore
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,
teach
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teaching
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 them from
early
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an early
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ages
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age
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 is very important. If they don’t understand it early,
on
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in
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 the future they might hurt someone or make mistakes unintentionally.
Body paragraph 1
Punishment is not the only way to make them understand mistakes. You may try to make an example
with
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of
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 yourself, or teach him how to say sorry, and even how to fix the harm.
For instance
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, you hurt someone accidentally in front
or
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of
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 the child. It is
good
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a good
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 opportunity to say sorry, and make
the
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an
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 example for
child
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the child
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. Or you can teach him how to say sorry
,
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 when he
made
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does
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 something wrong. And
finally
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, if he destroys something, you may help him to fix it by himself. It will be
good
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a good
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lessons
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lesson
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 for him.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, some punishments can be used.
For example
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, adults can take a toy or a small
right
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item
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 from the
children
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 for a short time.
Children
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some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 need punishments, but beating them is prohibited.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is very important to teach
children
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 the difference between right and wrong. Sometimes punishment is very useful, but it is not the only way to teach
children
Use synonyms

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say if you agree that punishment is needed, but only in some cases.
task response
Answer both parts in full. Explain more about what parents and teachers can use, when they can use it, and why it may help.
task response
Give more clear details for each idea. For example, say that taking away a toy, less play time, or helping to fix damage can teach a child about the result of an act.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main parts, and end. Make the order even clearer: first explain your view, then talk about other ways to teach, then talk about fair punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, such as “First,” “For example,” “However,” and “As a result.” Do not begin too many sentences with “And” or “Or.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The second main paragraph has several ideas; split them or link them more clearly.
language
Check word forms and simple grammar. Use “teach them from an early age,” “in the future,” “a good opportunity,” “in front of the child,” and “sometimes.”
task response
You give a clear main view: punishment can help, but it is not the only way to teach good behavior.
task response
Your examples are useful and close to real life, such as saying sorry and fixing something that was broken.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The conclusion repeats your main view clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, especially “First of all,” “For instance,” “However,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral development
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Behavioral psychology
  • Disciplinary methods
  • Corporal punishment
  • Psychological effects
  • Authoritative parenting
  • Permissive parenting
  • Behavioural correction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Legal frameworks
  • Cognitive development
  • Social norms
  • Character building
  • Restorative practices
  • Authoritarian approach
  • Constructive criticism
  • Pro-social behavior
  • Conditioning
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