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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some people believe that many elementary schools focus on formal learning , causing burnout.
However
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, I believe it is crucial that some leisure should be allotted to relieve the stress.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, one main advantage of informal
education
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 is
most
Correct word choice
that most
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 schools would offer leisure time
activities
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 for them to play and just relieve the stress to have a balanced
education
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 system.
After
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this
Add a comma
this,
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 the students are more energetic to learn concepts
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is
beneficial
Rephrase
more beneficial
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 than with no time off from learning.
For example
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, many school offers leisure
activities
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 like soccer,basketball or chess to relax the brain to grasp concepts more effectively than getting bored and not gaining any knowledge.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, another major benefit of non-formal
education
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 is that it efficiently develops children's interest towards new experiences and
activities
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. Children aged 11 or below love playing different types of games that help in engaging motor and mental ability skills
Punctuation problem
. Also
show examples
also
Linking Words
, they work together in groups , which is a pivotal part of the development of a person's ability.
Therefore
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, allowing a balanced approach of learning and playing sees learning not as boring, but helps learning outside the classroom.
For example
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, in many European and North American countries, they have a time period set during the day just for play
activities
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.
Conclusion
In Conclusion, even though formal
education
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 may have its own benefits , I believe a balanced approach of playing and studying will be more fruitful for children growing up

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task response
State your view more fully in the first part. Say how far you agree that schools focus too much on formal learning, not only that play is useful.
task response
Answer both parts in equal detail: whether there is too much formal learning, and why play matters in class. Your essay gives more space to the value of play.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear result. For example, explain how play can help children feel less tired, work with others, and learn better after a break.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The sports list is useful, but explain one case: a short group game before maths may help children return to work with more focus.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part plan is clear: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the first part answer the full question more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one short, clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'as a result', 'also', 'for this reason', and 'for example'. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between play and learning clearer. For example: 'After a break, children may pay more attention in class.' This connects the two parts of your point.
task response
You give a clear main view that school time should include both study and play.
task response
You include useful reasons for play, such as less stress, more energy, group work, and new activities.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order, with two main points and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use signposts such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'For example', and 'In Conclusion' to guide the reader.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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