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Band 6

Air pollution is one of the largest problems the world is facing today. What are some causes of air pollution and what measures can be proposed to solve this problem?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many countries are faced
a
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with a
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significant issue in the world, which is global warming and is related to
air
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pollution
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.
This
Linking Words
 problem is mainly caused by the private vehicles and emissions of industrials sector, but it can be addressed by adding some regulations to reduce carbon emissions.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons for the occurrence of
air
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pollution
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, and one of the reasons is that owning a private car for each citizen in the country.
This
Linking Words
 is because using individual cars generates more carbon dioxide than using public transportation.
In addition
Linking Words
, numerous industrials have a considerable contribution to
air
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pollution
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 since they manufacture chemical materials, and these manufacturing processes have a hazardous effect on our health. With these approaches,
air
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pollution
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 will continue to increase considerably in the world.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a lot of measures that can be taken to alleviate
air
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pollution
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. One of these solutions is
that decreasing
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to decrease
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 the cost of public transportation and
then
Linking Words
 encourage people to utilise it
instead
Linking Words
 of driving their own cars.
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments should enforce some rules on industrial companies,
such
Linking Words
 as banning the production of chemicals to eliminate
air
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pollution
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, countries will have clean and healthy environments without the effect of carbon dioxide.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
air
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pollution
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 plays a vital role in health damage in the world
due to
Linking Words
 the human footprint , which has serious consequences.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I believe that authorities are ultimately capable of mitigating the causes of
air
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pollution
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 by introducing some strict laws, and the more they concentrate on guidelines for its
effect
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effects
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, the greater the positive impact on our health.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question: causes and ways to solve the problem. To make your answer stronger, explain each cause and each solution in more detail. For example, say how car smoke harms city air, and how lower bus fares can make more people leave their cars at home.
Task response
Some ideas are too broad. Saying that all chemical production should be banned is not fully realistic. A better idea is to make factories use clean energy, put filters on smoke, and follow strict limits.
Task response
Add one clear real-life example. For instance, a city could add more cheap buses and trains, or a factory could pay a fine when it sends too much smoke into the air.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea clearer with simple words such as 'because', 'as a result', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has two main ideas. Give each one a short explanation before moving to the next idea. This will help the reader follow your point more easily.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear links such as 'With these approaches'. Use direct wording instead, such as 'Because of these two causes, air pollution can become worse.'
Coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main point, which is good. Make it shorter and more direct by naming the two main actions again: better public transport and stricter factory rules.
Task response
You deal with both the causes of air pollution and the measures to reduce it.
Task response
Your main ideas are relevant: private cars, factory smoke, public transport, and government rules.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs for causes and solutions.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as 'In addition', 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', and 'Consequently' to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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