Some people say young people should be encouraged to leave their family when they become adults while some argue they should live for a longer time with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction

Family is one of the most important parts of our

lives

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, there is a debate about whether to live with them for a longer period of time or to leave as they become

adults

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will describe both of the views and why I agree with the first one.

Body paragraph 1

Staying with parents develops a sense of connection and love towards each other.

In addition

Linking Words

, it encourages young

adults

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to support each other during good and bad times, which is important for people to feel safe, loved, and supported. Indeed, a person who

lives

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with a group of people in a house understands family beliefs and values that can be helpful in their later life.

As a result

Linking Words

, it strengthens the relationship between the members and helps them live a happy life.

Body paragraph 2

However

Linking Words

adults

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can choose to live independently as they grow older. By doing

this

Linking Words

, they get the chance to experience the hardships and explore the opportunities on their own.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it encourages young

adults

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to find ways that best suit their lifestyle rather than adopting their

family

Check wording

family's

show examples

lifestyle.

For instance

Linking Words

, in Western culture, living apart from their parents after the age of 18 is highly prioritised, which encourages them to be independent at an early age.

Therefore

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, if

adults

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are encouraged to live separately from their parents, it will help them identify their own strengths and weaknesses, which can be helpful for their

lives

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Conclusion

In conclusion, I strongly believe that if a family

lives

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together, there is always a connection and love spread every time.

However

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, it is

also

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crucial to live independently, which helps young

adults

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to understand their needs and choices.

saruu.bhandari24

Sep 20, 2026

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task response

You discuss both sides and give your own view. Make your view more clear from the start: say that young adults should leave home, but still keep close family ties.

task response

Develop each main idea more. For example, explain how living with family can save money, give care, and help young people during study or work. Then explain how leaving home teaches money, time, and home care skills.

task response

Use a more real and detailed example. The point about people in the West is useful, but explain what a young person may learn after moving out, such as paying rent and making daily choices.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first body part clearly about staying with family and the second clearly about leaving home.

coherence and cohesion

Some links are not fully clear. In the first body part, 'support each other' may sound as if only young adults live together. Say 'parents and adult children can support one another' instead.

coherence and cohesion

Your ending gives both ideas, but it does not fully match your stated view in the start. End with one direct choice and one short reason.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid broad phrases such as 'live a happy life' and 'helpful for their lives'. Say exactly how the result helps young adults.

task response

You answer all parts of the question: you explain the value of family life, the value of living alone, and your own view.

coherence and cohesion

The order of ideas is easy to follow. Each body part has one main focus, and words such as 'However', 'Moreover', and 'For instance' help guide the reader.

task response

Your point about learning through hardship, choices, strengths, and weaknesses is relevant and shows a good understanding of why some adults leave home.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

foster independence
personal responsibility
financial management
time management
decision-making
higher education
career opportunities
cultural exposure
personal growth
world view
affordable living
financial relief
emotional support
family bonds
close-knit cultures
delayed autonomy
dependence
daily decision-making
economic support
supportive environment

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