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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, it is easier for young people to have a credit card compared to the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages

The younger generations have more convenient access to
credit
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card
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 than they used to. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why the benefits of
credit
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card
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 ownership among youth overshadow the potential drawbacks.
Firstly
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,
credit
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 cards may put youngsters in the trench of debts because they are not thoroughly money-conscious and inconsiderate in their spending.
For instance
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, the children's expenses will not exceed what is granted to them if their parents use the monthly allowance system,
whereas
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 a
credit
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card
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 does not have the same
rigidity
Punctuation problem
rigidity,
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 as the user can pay a month after.
In other words
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, a shopping spree can be done even when children do not have the money readily available for them at the time of purchase.
Thus
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, without discipline and financial awareness, young people are prone to debt
due to
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 the reckless use of
credit
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 cards.
On the other hand
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,
credit
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card
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 usage from an early age helps build up a
credit
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 score, which is deemed important for the future of youth.
For example
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, an adult with more experience in using a
credit
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card
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 will have an easier process of attaining a bank loan to buy an expensive property ,
such
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 as cars or mortgages, thanks to the
credit
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 score from years of
credit
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card
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 purchases.
Furthermore
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, stacking up points for future economic convenience is possible with many years of
credit
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card
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 usage. To summarise,
credit
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 cards may cause harm
due to
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 overspending and economic negligence, but steady and responsible purchasing with them can be beneficial in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term because of a built-up
credit
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scores
Fix the agreement mistake
score
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.
Therefore
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, the advantage of owning a
credit
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card
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 at
such
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 an early age outweighs its disadvantages.

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content
Add more clear reasons for each point and tie them to the prompt in every paragraph.
language
Fix small grammar errors and use simple, plain words to keep meaning clear.
content
Give one more specific example to show how cards can help or harm.
structure
End with a firm final point and restate your view.
content
The essay shows a clear stance that benefits can outweigh costs.
structure
Good use of sign words to show sequence and contrast.
content
There are real life examples like loans and points.
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