IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be healthy and have a balanced diet. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is usually believed that guardians should teach young people how to stay healthy and follow a balanced diet. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 statement, but some individuals may disagree. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss
this
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 question from both points of view and give reasons for my opinion. On one hand, I have some main reasons for my view. My first reason is that adults control the
food
Use synonyms
 their sons and daughters eat at home.
For example
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, when young people eat large amounts of unhealthy
meals
Check wording
food
show examples
, they may gain weight. My second reason is that many of them spend long hours using electronic devices.
For instance
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, teenagers may sit for long periods playing games
while
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 eating junk
food
Use synonyms
, which
also
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 leads to obesity.
Finally
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, I believe that families have a responsibility toward their young ones, which means they must guide them to maintain a balanced diet.
On the other hand
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, many people do not agree with me. They believe that young individuals should have some freedom in their choices.
For example
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, some prefer fast
food
Use synonyms
while
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 others choose healthier meals, and
this
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 depends on their personal interests.
Secondly
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, many caregivers leave their sons and daughters alone because they are busy most of the time.
For instance
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, some youngsters may take advantage of the absence of adults.
Lastly
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, I believe that schools should teach students interesting physical activities.
This
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 means they need to show them how to stay fit and avoid unhealthy eating habits.
To conclude
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, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question.
However
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, I tend to believe that healthy
food
Use synonyms
 supports long-term
wellbeing
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
, and
this
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 is important to reduce diseases.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first part and restate it at the end.
coherence
Put one idea in each paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
content
Add more facts or real examples to back up points.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas, like also, but, so, for example.
style
Use short simple sentences to avoid mistakes.
grammar
Check grammar and use plain words (focus on 'parents', 'children', 'school').
content
You show both sides and your own view.
support
You give examples such as weight gain and time on screen.
organization
The essay ends with a view on health and life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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