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Band 4.5

Some people think university education should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, some individuals think that
people
Use synonyms
 should
take
Verb problem
receive
show examples
 free
education
Use synonyms
 in
universities
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 because underprivileged
people
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
 to afford studies and
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
nation
Check wording
nation's
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 will grow and will have more educated
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 who will not be financially stable can
also
Linking Words
 send their
children
Use synonyms
 for
education
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, mostly poor
people
Use synonyms
 always send their
children
Use synonyms
 to work because they cannot afford
expensive
Correct article usage
an expensive
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 for them. With free
education
Use synonyms
 in
universities
Use synonyms
, underprivileged families will
help
Verb problem
be able to help
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to study in
universities
Use synonyms
, so they can achieve their
ambitious
Replace the word
ambitions
 in
lives
Check wording
life
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per recent reports by the Indian
Education
Use synonyms
 Department, 60% of students in government schools and colleges are from poor families because in these schools and
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
, they get compensation for sending their
children
Use synonyms
 to study.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, countries
economy
Use synonyms
 growth will increase because they will have a lot of educated
people
Use synonyms
 by studying in
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 without paying any tuition fees. To clarify, students educated in
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 portion will get good jobs in multinational companies, and they will pay taxes in high number, and the tax amount will contribute in
economy
Use synonyms
 of the nation.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada,
people
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 who make more money by working in big companies pay more tax, and
this
Linking Words
 tax amount
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to make
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 government with more
reserve
Fix the agreement mistake
reserves
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 of the countries will rapidly grow by deducting taxes from rich
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some believe that there should be no tuition fees in
universities
Use synonyms
 for everyone. I agree because
this
Linking Words
 trend will help to educate
people
Use synonyms
 who are not financially stable
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 will grow in all nations by hiring a lot of educated
people
Use synonyms
 who studied in
universities
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that university should be free. You give two main reasons: it can help poor families and it can help the country. To make your answer stronger, explain who will pay for free university. For example, you could say that the state can use tax money, but it must also keep the quality of teaching high.
task response
Your first main point is useful, but some ideas need clearer words. Instead of saying people can “achieve their ambitious”, say they can “achieve their goals” or “have a better future”.
task response
Your example about India is linked to the point, but it is not fully clear. “Compensation” is not the right word here. You may mean “free places”, “help with fees”, or “money support”. Use one clear example and explain how it proves your point.
task response
Your second point needs more care. More students do not always get good jobs or pay high tax. Say that free study can give more people skills, which may help them find work and support the country over time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. Each body part has one main idea. This makes the text easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You use “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, “To clarify”, and “For example” well, but some are not needed. Short, clear links such as “First”, “Also”, and “As a result” can make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. Use “the country’s economy” rather than “nation economy”, “countries economy”, and “economy of the nation”. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences. For example: “Graduates may get better jobs. They may then pay more tax, which can help public services.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two relevant reasons and add examples for both of them.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is clear, and the ending repeats your main view well.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “Thus” help show links between ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
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