IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it is more important to plant trees in open areas of towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
The majority of people believe that available land in predominantly urban areas should be used to plant trees rather than construct residential housing. I would argue that
although
Linking Words
 it is essential to build more houses to meet the needs of citizens, particularly those who prefer to move to cities and towns, creating more green
spaces
Use synonyms
 would provide
health
Use synonyms
 benefits.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, over the
last
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 five decades, there has been a growing tendency towards urbanisation, as more people have relocated to cities rather than remained in rural areas.
This
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 growing urban population has resulted in a sharp increase in demand for affordable housing located close to essential amenities.
This
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, in turn, would require more land to be allocated for residential construction.
As a result
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, the shortage of residential housing could be alleviated.
For instance
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, in Tashkent, many students from different regions often struggle to find affordable rental accommodation. If the government took responsibility for constructing more affordable flats for students, they would have easier access to universities and workplaces.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, planting more trees could create significant benefits for public
health
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as reducing the risk of respiratory illnesses. If the government
prioritizes
Change the spelling
prioritises
show examples
 the expansion of
such
Linking Words
 green
spaces
Use synonyms
 for citizens, residents can use these
spaces
Use synonyms
 for recreational activities, spending time outdoors, or even taking part in sports they enjoy, which can encourage them to maintain an active lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, the extensive green
spaces
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 in Boston encourage residents to spend more time outdoors and engage in physical activities, thereby improving their
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 and well-being.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the growing demand for housing makes residential construction necessary in urban areas, I believe that available land should primarily be used to create green
spaces
Use synonyms
, as these can provide significant
health
Use synonyms
 benefits and encourage residents to lead more active lifestyles.

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task response
Your view is clear: more homes are needed, but green land should come first. To make it stronger, explain more fully why health and green space should be more important than the need for homes. You could also say when new homes should still be built, such as on old or empty sites.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some links need more detail. For example, show how trees can make city air better, give shade, and help people feel less stress. This would make your case more full.
task response
Your examples fit the topic. Make them more exact by saying how the flats in Tashkent would help students, or what kind of green space in Boston helps people exercise.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph on homes, one on trees, and an ending. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The link words are used well, such as “Admittedly”, “On the other hand”, and “For example”. Try not to use “more” too often in the same part. You can use “also”, “as well”, or start a new sentence.
coherence and cohesion
In the first main paragraph, the final line about housing being eased repeats an earlier point. Use that place to add a short reason or result instead, so the paragraph moves forward.
task response
You answer all parts of the task and give a clear view from the first paragraph to the end.
task response
The points about homes near key places and parks for health are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear main idea, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly restates your view and brings the two sides together.
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