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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Learning to manage money is one of the key aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowl experience.

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Introduction
Financial management has been very important in adult life, and it is necessary to address valuable approaches.
While
Linking Words
 there are many methods to manage
individuals
Use synonyms
' savings, I shall discuss two that I agree are the most valuable. In
this
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 case, it is about knowing personal wants and needs and
also
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 making a habit of always reviewing a
good
Check wording
product
show examples
 that
individuals
Use synonyms
 plan to buy.
Body paragraph 1
First approach:
individuals
Use synonyms
 should distinguish their needs and wants. It is important for
people
Use synonyms
 to always
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 their necessities first. If they have already gained their primary goods,
then
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 they can spend on their personal wants. It is important because correlating savings capacity with one's own buy list can help
people
Use synonyms
 manage their money sufficiently.
For example
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 daily food first
instead
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 of buying a new watch
that is
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 still useful.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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,
individuals
Use synonyms
 should make a habit to crawl informations within a
good
Check wording
product
show examples
 they plan to buy.
With
Change preposition
By
show examples
 seeing many reviews,
people
Use synonyms
 can see a large vision
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their future spending.
This
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 encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to review the value of the product so they can choose a more appropriate option.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can create a greater possibility of gaining a better-quality good or service. In real-world
application
Check wording
applications
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 can scroll through social media reviews before buying food they have never had.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is necessary for
people
Use synonyms
 to separate their needs and wants by correlating their own savings capacity and gaining more information to increase the possibility of getting a better-quality good.

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task response
You answer the question with two clear ways to manage money: know needs and wants, and check a product before buying it. To make your answer stronger, explain more about saving, such as setting money aside each month or making a simple plan for spending.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your main ideas. Make them more personal and full. For example, say how you saved money by buying food first and waiting before buying a watch.
task response
Some ideas need clearer meaning. Instead of saying “correlating savings capacity with one's own buy list”, say “people should check how much money they have before they decide what to buy.”
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening more direct. State the two ways you will discuss in one simple sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. “First” and “Secondly” work well. You can also use “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “For example” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word choice is not natural. For example, change “crawl informations within a good” to “look for information about a product”, and change “a large vision” to “a clearer idea”.
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, repeat the two main ideas in simple words. Do not add new wording that is hard to understand. This will make the final message clearer.
task response
You stay on the topic throughout the essay and give practical advice about daily spending.
task response
The food and watch example clearly shows the difference between a need and a want.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening and ending, so the reader can easily see your main message.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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