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Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views ang give your opinion

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate about international
news
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, with some arguing that secondary school
students
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 should learn international
news
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, as it can deepen their understanding of the world.
However
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, others argue that it can place additional pressure on
students
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’ academic performance and take time away from their academic studies.
Although
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 studying international
news
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 can leave
students
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 with limited time to focus on their major subjects, I firmly believe that learning international
news
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 can benefit
students
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 and help them develop their essential skills.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, supporters of learning international
news
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 claim that it enables
students
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 to broaden their understanding of the world, which can contribute significantly to improving their essential skills,
such
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 as critical thinking, creativity, and communication.
Consequently
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,
this
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 approach can lay the foundation for
students
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’
overall
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 development.
For instance
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, exposing
students
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 to technological
news
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 can help them develop new ideas and broaden their horizons, supporting their educational and professional development.
Thus
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, international
news
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 can have positive impacts on
students
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’ personal, educational, and professional growth.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, critics argue that learning international
news
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 can leave
students
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 with limited opportunities and less energy to concentrate on their primary subjects, placing a burden on their studies.
This
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 can increase the risks of mental health problems,
such
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 as stress, leading to a reduction in
students
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’ productivity and poor academic results.
For example
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, excessive reliance on additional education programmes limits the opportunities
students
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 have to participate in other important activities,
such
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 as going to the gym and socialising with their friends.
This
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 can have negative impacts on their essential skills and health.
Hence
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,
such
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 programmes can pose a threat to
students
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’ academic studies and
overall
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 well-being.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, despite the fact that learning international
news
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 can waste
students
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’ time and place pressure on their academic journey, from my perspective, it can help
students
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 deepen their knowledge of the world
while
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 improving their analytical thinking and creativity, leading to their
overall
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 development.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your ideas stronger, explain why news should be a school subject, not just why it is good for students.
task response
Your main idea is clear, but some points are too broad. Show more clearly how world news can build thinking, speaking, and new ideas.
task response
Use more real and direct examples. For example, a lesson on a war, climate change, or a world vote could help students see how news affects their own lives.
task response
The other side needs a closer link to the topic. Do not focus too much on extra classes or going to the gym. Explain how news lessons may take time from key school work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: start, one side, the other side, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. In the first body paragraph, the ideas of world knowledge, skills, and future work are close, but the link between them could be shown more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well. Try not to use 'Thus', 'Hence', and 'Consequently' in the same way in every paragraph. Use simple links such as 'also', 'because', and 'for this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your view well. Make it more direct by saying that news should be taught in a small, planned way, so it does not harm time for other subjects.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both views and clearly state your own view.
task response
Your view stays the same from the start to the end, which gives the essay a clear purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph starts with a clear side of the debate, so the reader can follow your line of thought.
coherence and cohesion
The start and ending are both present and match the main ideas in the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global awareness
  • current affairs
  • international events
  • a crowded curriculum
  • core academic subjects
  • critical thinking skills
  • reliable news sources
  • biased reporting
  • media literacy
  • a balanced perspective
  • responsible citizens
  • global issues
  • political conflict
  • environmental crisis
  • keep up with world events
  • form informed opinions
  • evaluate information
  • classroom discussion
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