IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries in the world people buy cloths and choose hair style according to the latest fashion. Why is this hapening? Is this a positive or negative development?

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The latest
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 have started to be followed by many individuals, particularly in terms of clothing and hairstyles. To some extent, I believe that even though
this
Linking Words
 trend is creating homogenisation among different
cultures
Use synonyms
, it is having a positive effect on broader social connections.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, when
people
Use synonyms
 start wearing the same clothes or choosing similar fashionable styles,
this
Linking Words
 can gradually lead to a reduction in the value of various
cultures
Use synonyms
 or even their complete extinction in the long run. The more
people
Use synonyms
 start to follow these
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
, the more they may forget about wearing national clothes or distinctive accessories that show their cultural identity.
For example
Linking Words
, teenagers, particularly those following or repeating identical styles, may contribute to the devaluing of cultural heritage.
This
Linking Words
 is the main reason why
people
Use synonyms
 have very similar tastes in
fashion
Use synonyms
 in terms of clothing, hairstyles, or jewellery, as they follow influencers on the internet or adopt the
cultures
Use synonyms
 of other leading countries, which have a greater impact on
people
Use synonyms
's tastes in
fashion
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, it is advantageous when
people
Use synonyms
 from all over the world follow the same
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
, since
this
Linking Words
 may bring
people
Use synonyms
 from different
cultures
Use synonyms
 together, making it easier to network and build stronger relationships.
This
Linking Words
 can happen when
people
Use synonyms
 try
or
Correct word choice
to
show examples
 imitate the styles of others, attracting individuals from different countries as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, if Uzbek
people
Use synonyms
 wear clothing inspired by Chinese culture and traditions,
people
Use synonyms
 living in China may appreciate
this
Linking Words
, as it can be an honour for a country to see its cultural influence spreading abroad.
Therefore
Linking Words
, following similar
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 can help strengthen cultural connections and promote mutual appreciation between nations.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 following global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 may weaken cultural identity, I believe that it can bring
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds closer together and foster stronger international relationships, ultimately promoting greater cultural understanding and a more interconnected world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the good and bad sides, but the reasons why people follow fashion need a clearer main point. Write directly about social media, famous people, ads, and the wish to fit in with friends.
task response
Make your view clearer from the start. You say the change is positive, but show why the good side is stronger than the loss of local dress and hair styles.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. The example about Uzbek and Chinese clothes is useful, but explain how it leads to real contact, respect, or friendship between people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, bad side, good side, and ending. To make it even easier to follow, begin each body paragraph with one short, direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and contain many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences, especially in the first body paragraph, so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore” work well, but avoid repeating “people” and “fashion trends” too often. Use “they”, “this trend”, or “these styles” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You discuss both sides of the change and give a clear final view that it can help people from different countries feel closer.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic. The points about local culture, online influencers, and people from different countries are relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly show your main view, and the two body paragraphs each focus on one side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear links between ideas, such as “Admittedly”, “However”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fashion
  • trend
  • clothes
  • hair style
  • latest
  • brand
  • shop
  • store
  • online
  • ads
  • media
  • peers
  • friends
  • city
  • country
  • culture
  • money
  • cost
  • cheap
  • expensive
  • job
  • work
  • design
  • beauty
  • joy
  • expression
  • identify
  • identity
  • pressure
  • spend
  • save
  • environment
  • waste
  • fast fashion
  • look
  • appearance
  • self esteem
  • compare
  • belong
  • modern
  • global
  • local
  • culture
  • influence
  • market
  • buy
  • choice
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: