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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries in the world people buy cloths and choose hair style according to the latest fashion. Why is this hapening? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In many countries,
people
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 increasingly follow the latest
fashion
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trends
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 when choosing their clothes and hairstyles.
This
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 is largely
due to
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 the influence of social media and
people
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's desire to fit in with others.
Although
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this
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 trend may weaken cultural identity, I believe it is a positive development
overall
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 because it can strengthen social connections and promote cultural understanding.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why
people
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 follow
fashion
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trends
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 is the influence of celebrities and social media influencers, who regularly promote particular clothing
styles
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 and hairstyles.
As a result
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, individuals, especially teenagers, may imitate these
trends
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 to improve their appearance and gain acceptance from their peers.
However
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,
this
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 growing preference for international
fashion
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 can gradually weaken
people
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's connection to their cultural identity. As individuals increasingly adopt global
styles
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, they may wear traditional clothing less frequently, leaving younger generations with fewer opportunities to become familiar with their cultural heritage.
For example
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, teenagers who regularly imitate international celebrities may prefer modern outfits to traditional national dress. Over time,
this
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 could reduce the visibility of cultural traditions and contribute to greater cultural homogenisation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that following similar
fashion
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trends
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 can bring
people
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 from different cultural backgrounds closer together. When individuals adopt
styles
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 from other countries, they may become more interested in the cultures and traditions behind them, creating opportunities for communication and cultural exchange.
For instance
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, Uzbek
people
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 who wear Chinese-inspired clothing may attract the interest of Chinese
people
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, allowing both groups to discuss the origins and meaning of these
styles
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.
This
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 shared interest can encourage
people
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 to learn about one another's cultures, develop mutual appreciation and build stronger international relationships.
Therefore
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,
fashion
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 can serve as a means of connecting
people
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 who might
otherwise
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 have little in common.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 following global
fashion
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trends
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 may weaken cultural identity, I believe that their ability to connect
people
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 from different backgrounds and encourage cultural exchange makes
this
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 a positive development
overall
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.

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task response
You answer both parts well. You give clear reasons for this change, and you state your view from the start. To make the answer stronger, add one more reason why people follow fashion, such as cheap online shops or the need to show a new image.
task response
Your main idea is clear: fashion can harm local culture but can also help people connect. The good side is explained more fully than the bad side. Add a little more on why loss of local dress and hair styles matters to make the two sides more even.
task response
Your examples are on topic and help the reader understand your ideas. The Uzbek and Chinese example is clear, but it may sound a little too simple. You could explain more clearly how wearing a style leads to real talk, learning, or shared events.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: start, two main body parts, and an end. Each paragraph has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “As a result”, “However”, “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. Try not to use “people” and “fashion trends” too many times. Use words like “this trend”, “these styles”, or “such choices” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
The move from the first body part to the second is clear. Still, the first paragraph begins with a reason for fashion, then moves to a bad result. You could make the link smoother by saying that the same wish to fit in can also make local styles less common.
task response
You give a direct answer to the question and keep your view clear all the way through.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and well explained, especially the point that global styles may make local dress less common.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending match well, and the ending clearly repeats your main view without adding a new idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear and ordered in a logical way. The reader can easily see the reason, the possible harm, and the positive side.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fashion
  • trend
  • clothes
  • hair style
  • latest
  • brand
  • shop
  • store
  • online
  • ads
  • media
  • peers
  • friends
  • city
  • country
  • culture
  • money
  • cost
  • cheap
  • expensive
  • job
  • work
  • design
  • beauty
  • joy
  • expression
  • identify
  • identity
  • pressure
  • spend
  • save
  • environment
  • waste
  • fast fashion
  • look
  • appearance
  • self esteem
  • compare
  • belong
  • modern
  • global
  • local
  • culture
  • influence
  • market
  • buy
  • choice
  • balance
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