IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some cities and towns all over the world, traffic jam is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem?

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Traffic jams are a significant problem for ordinary citizens in developing nations, mainly stemming from more
cars
Use synonyms
 than the capacity of road networks.
This
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 phenomenon can be mitigated dramatically by encouraging people to use public transportation. The root cause of
this
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 issue is the Industrial Revolution, which attracted more labourers to manufacturing or service zones, causing urbanization waves and bottlenecks in various aspects, including traffic. Factory workers have similar movement demands to certain workplaces, often relying on public vehicles at affordable prices.
However
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, public transit systems are incomplete. There are numerous complaints about their services, including noisy conversations, unpunctuality, inconvenience, safety concerns, and lack of personal privacy.
Furthermore
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, lower price strategies and better credit policies increase the number of
cars
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 sold. The Industrial Revolution increased the productivity of the car industry, initiating a low-cost leadership strategy and allowing more
cars
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 to be produced,
while
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 immigrants easily accessed credit policies to cover their car instalments monthly.
Moreover
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, inadequate infrastructure and poor road design exacerbate bottleneck and congestion conditions.
This
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 problem can be lessened significantly by improving the quality of public commuting services. Developing and expanding public transport systems
such
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 as buses, trams, and subways can reduce reliance on private vehicles. Improving the quality of local trams, including better materials, coverage on convenient routes, and increased frequency, can encourage citizens to switch to public transport.
For example
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, Japanese high-speed railways have a reputation for punctuality, which serves as the main means of transport for many citizens to workplaces and tourist destinations.
Additionally
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, implementing car-sharing and carpooling programs on online car-booking platforms can diminish the number of transporting vehicles. Providing incentives for customers to choose ride-sharing can help reduce congestion during rush hours in the UK.
To conclude
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, congestion conditions in developing nations result from urbanization, inadequate public transportation, increased car ownership, and poor infrastructure. The Industrial Revolution has significantly contributed to these challenges by boosting urban migration and increasing the availability of affordable
cars
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.
Nevertheless
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, these issues can be alleviated through comprehensive improvements in public transportation systems, enhancing service quality and reliability, and promoting car-sharing initiatives.

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coherence cohesion
To push the score higher, consider adding smoother transitions between the paragraphs. This will improve the logical structure and flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one idea and that it is clearly developed. This will help make the points more comprehensible and well-supported.
task achievement
For an even higher score, provide deeper analysis and elaboration of how each proposed solution specifically addresses the problems mentioned.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the topic and summarizes the solutions.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the Japanese high-speed railways, strengthens the argument and provides a solid basis for the proposed solutions.
task achievement
The essay addresses the causes of traffic jams and proposes plausible solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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