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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, it has been observed that advertising is a very popular
way
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 for companies to promote their brands. Some
people
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 believe that advertising is a very effective
way
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 to persuade
people
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 to buy things,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is so common that
people
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 no longer pay attention to it. I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that advertising can be an effective
way
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 to attract
customers
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, supporters of the first view argue that advertising can be a beneficial
way
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 to promote any service or product, especially if it is promoted by influencers. In fact, when influencers with a large number of followers promote something, it can be bought by many
people
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 at the same time. A report published by New York University concluded that 67% of products and services promoted by influencers saw a 50% increase in sales.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, supporters of the opposing view believe that advertising is not able to attract
customers
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 as it did in the past because lots of advertisements appear throughout the day. A survey conducted by a Saudi housing company found that 78% of respondents ignored advertisements
while
Linking Words
 browsing social media.
Consequently
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, companies should change boring and old advertising methods and find other ways to attract
customers
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, advertising has advantages and disadvantages. I firmly believe that it can be an effective
way
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 to attract
customers
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.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why people may still notice some ads but ignore many others. Your main view could be developed in more detail.
Task response
The examples about influencers and social media fit the topic. However, the reports and surveys feel made up because there is no clear source or detail. Use a simple real-life example instead, such as a person buying skin care after seeing a trusted online creator use it.
Task response
Your last paragraph says that ads have good and bad sides, but it does not fully restate your view. End by saying that ads still work best when they are new, useful, and aimed at the right people.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, first view, other view, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links between ideas more carefully. For example, in the second body paragraph, 'Consequently' does not follow well from the survey result. You could write: 'Therefore, many companies need to make their ads more interesting.'
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated with the words 'attract customers'. Try other clear phrases, such as 'catch people’s eye', 'make people want to buy', or 'help a brand reach more people'.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph state the full point. For example: 'Ads can still work well because people trust online creators they follow.' This helps the reader see your main idea at once.
Task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain both views and state your own view from the start.
Task response
The influencer example is closely linked to your main idea and shows how ads can lead to sales.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, and the phrases 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' clearly show the two sides.
Coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, and your opinion stays the same throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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