IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the governemnt in order for them to continue with their work.what are the advantages and disadvantages

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The majority of
artists
Use synonyms
 have a limited income, and some people believe they should receive
government
Use synonyms
 grants so that they can keep doing their work.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Body paragraph 1
One advantage is that the
artist
Use synonyms
’s home
country
Use synonyms
 can benefit from their reputation and from increased tourism. Fans who admire an
artist
Use synonyms
 often become curious about where the
artist
Use synonyms
 is from, and some may decide to visit.
This
Linking Words
 is a more subtle form of promotion than traditional advertising.
For example
Linking Words
, an
artist
Use synonyms
 facing financial difficulties may receive a
government
Use synonyms
 grant on the condition that they hold a concert in their home
country
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 would encourage international fans to travel there. As
result
Add an article
a result
show examples
, the
artist
Use synonyms
 would overcome their financial difficulties, and the
country
Use synonyms
 would earn more than it spent through hotel bookings and restaurant spending.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, funding
artists
Use synonyms
 can be risky, because a
government
Use synonyms
-sponsored event may fail to attract enough visitors. In
this
Linking Words
 case, public money would be wasted.
For example
Linking Words
, a
government
Use synonyms
 might spend millions on a concert by a little-known
artist
Use synonyms
, only for most of the tickets to remain unsold. That money could
instead
Linking Words
 have been used to build schools or improve hospitals, which benefit every citizen.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
government
Use synonyms
 funding can help struggling
artists
Use synonyms
 and attract tourists to their home
country
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 carries the risk of wasting public money that could support more essential services.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should choose carefully which
artists
Use synonyms
 and events to fund.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the task: you show one good side and one bad side. To make your answer stronger, add one more main good point, such as how grants can help keep art, music, and local stories alive.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some claims need more care. A concert may bring more visitors, but this may not happen for every artist. Say that this is more likely for artists with many fans.
task response
Your examples are clear and linked to the main ideas. The first example could be more real and less general. Explain why fans would travel, how long they may stay, and how this helps local shops.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: opening, good side, bad side, and ending. Keep using one main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are good. You use phrases such as “For example” and “On the other hand” well. You can also use simple links such as “because”, “therefore”, and “as a result” to show cause and result more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Check small linking errors. Write “As a result” rather than “As result”. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up the main points well and gives a clear view. It could be even stronger if it briefly states how the government should choose artists, for example by looking at public interest and the likely cost.
task response
You stay on the topic from start to end and give a balanced answer about both the good and bad sides.
task response
The tourism point is useful and well explained. You show how support for an artist could also help hotels and restaurants.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear job, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and your ending brings the main ideas together clearly.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • national identity
  • financial support
  • stimulate innovation
  • economic benefits
  • preserve traditional arts
  • dependence
  • self-sufficiency
  • censorship
  • artistic expression
  • controversial
  • subjective
  • allocation of funds
  • critical sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: