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Band 4.5

These days, due to advances in technology, it is cheaper and easier to travel abroad. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
The topic of whether travelling abroad
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 easier and cheaper
due to
Linking Words
 advances in technology has
considerable
Verb problem
been the subject of considerable
show examples
 debate in recent years. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that technology can help individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who want to
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 several
benefits
Use synonyms
 that will affect
people
Use synonyms
`s lives,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that the drawbacks exceed the
benefits
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of travelling abroad
becoming
Punctuation problem
, becoming
show examples
 cheaper and easier.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, the major benefit of travelling abroad
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 becoming cheaper and
easier
Punctuation problem
easier,
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 is to assist poor
people
Use synonyms
 in travelling. The main reason is that poor
people
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 do not have sufficient money to
travel
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 abroad for
toursim
Correct your spelling
tourism
.
Furthermore
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, having cheaper and easier travelling
abroud
Correct your spelling
abroad
 is not only
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in travelling for tourism, but it
also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 poor
people
Use synonyms
 who want
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travel
Verb problem
to travel
show examples
abroud
Correct your spelling
abroad
 for medical treatment.
Fot istance
Correct your spelling
For instance
, if
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 poor man
suffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
show examples
 from
canser
Correct your spelling
cancer
, he can
travel
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 to
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 country to receive medical treatment.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, despite having several
benefits
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 of travelling abroad becoming cheaper and easier, there are many drawbacks as well.
First,
Linking Words
many airports might suffer congestion. The main reason is that many individuals want to
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad to relax and to explore
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 country.
However
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, diseases might spread more quickly.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 might spread diseases between countries. The main reason is that travelling abroad has become easier.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 travelling abroad
becoming
Verb problem
is becoming
show examples
 cheaper and easier offer significant
benefits
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
`s lives, it is important to acknowledge the drawbacks
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as spreading diseases more quickly between countries and suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
congestion at airports.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph and repeat it in the last paragraph. Say if the good points are greater than the bad points. Your essay now shows both sides, but it does not clearly choose one side.
task response
Explain why each point matters. For example, cheaper travel can help people get care, see family, study, or find work. Then say why this is more or less important than airport crowding and the spread of disease.
task response
Use one or two more real and clear examples. The example about a poor man getting care is useful, but explain how lower ticket costs make this possible.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. Make the links between ideas smoother by using simple words such as “because”, “as a result”, “for example”, and “however” only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph focus on one main idea. In the good-points paragraph, travel for fun and travel for medical care are two different ideas. Give each idea its own short part, or choose the stronger one and explain it more.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same reason twice. In the disease example, you say that disease can spread between countries and then repeat that travel is easier. Add the result instead, such as more people may get sick in a short time.
task response
You answer the question by giving both good and bad points about cheaper and easier travel.
task response
Your ideas are relevant. Help for people with little money, airport crowding, and disease spread all fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The four-paragraph form is easy to follow, with an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “To sum up” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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