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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people feel that using technology is the best way to solve all our current and future problems in society, while others think we are becoming dependent and should focus on other solutions. Do you think that benefits of technology outweigh the possible disadvantages?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Recent years
technology
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 has been widely available for most of the
people
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.
This
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 allows them to reduce the complex problems of they are facing. With
this
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 improvements of the
technology
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 some
people
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 think
this
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 will become a problem solver for the problems that occur in the society.
On the other hand
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, others think exposing too much of
technology
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 will affect to personal life of the
people
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 and they will start depend on that. I have mixed ideas on
this
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 matter. I believe
technology
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 is a thing that no one can avoid.
However
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, I feel that
technology
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 can be used for development of the society by creating bounderies.
Body paragraph 1
Mainly, one group of
people
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 stands for continuous improvement of the
technology
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 because of its extended abilities of skills that humans hardly can achieve.
This
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 has become a huge advantage of the society. For a instance, there has been newly build cars that have features of self driving. These cars allow to disable
people
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 to commute between places.
This
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 has been a major step towards to the common issue that faced by human beings.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 addresses the different side of using
technology
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. Allowing to
technology
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 to do the simple daily works, individuals were losen there ability to be a indipendent. They always get assits from cutting edge solutions to make things done. As a example, many years before AI adopt, students had to do reserch and write about their accadamic writings. But with the impulse of AI
this
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 become instant work.
This
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 made qualified individuals without proper knowledge.
This
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 become major drawback that happened because of
Technology
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.
Conclusion
Finally
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,
Technology
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 is a tool that need to use with care. I personally believe that adapting regulations on
technology
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 will benifit the most to humans rather than allowing fully
technology
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.
This
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 helps
people
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 to save their abilitys not rely on
technology
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.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. You say you have mixed ideas, but the question asks if the good points are greater than the bad points. State your view clearly and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how self-driving cars can help disabled people, then explain why this is more important than a possible bad point. Do the same for AI and student work.
task response
Use more exact examples. For AI, say that students may copy AI work instead of reading, thinking, and writing by themselves. Then explain how rules at school can help.
task response
The last paragraph should answer the main question directly. Say whether the good points are greater than the bad points, and give the main reason.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an end. However, make the plan stronger: one paragraph for the good points and one paragraph for the bad points, then compare them in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Technology can help people live more freely.” Then give the car example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully, such as “First,” “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use “On the other hand” unless you clearly show the opposite idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Keep sentences short and direct. For example, write “People may lose the ability to do daily tasks alone” instead of “individuals were losen there ability to be a indipendent.”
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic and give your own view. This shows that you understand the main question.
task response
Your examples of self-driving cars and AI are related to the topic and help show both the good and bad sides of technology.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as four parts: an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “On the other hand” and “Finally” to guide the reader through your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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