IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

"It's often said, 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Do you think that people should adapt to the culture of the country that they're visiting or living in?"

6.0 / 9
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Introduction
The saying ‘when in Rome, do as the Romans do’ implies that
people
Use synonyms
 should respect and adapt to the beliefs and values of a foreign country they are living in or travelling to. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 notion is effective because doing so will assist individuals to successfully achieve the acceptance of native
people
Use synonyms
 and get used to daily life in
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 feasible way.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary reasons is that local
people
Use synonyms
 usually treat strangers sceptically, as they have biased opinions about newcomers.
Such
Linking Words
 behaviour stems from stereotypes that these
people
Use synonyms
 tend to break local rules and norms. To avoid judgmental attitudes towards
oneself
Punctuation problem
oneself,
show examples
 it is in one’s best interest to follow and recognise the values of the community they are visiting or living in.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person travels to a Muslim
country
Punctuation problem
country,
show examples
 it would be better to follow the clothing rules in order not to disrespect their religion.
Body paragraph 2
Another factor worth mentioning is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how effectively
people
Use synonyms
 want to adapt to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily life in the new country. If an individual does not want to feel lonely and desires to experience more interactions with locals, learning about their living habits and hobbies would be in their favour.
For example
Linking Words
, enrolling in a local reading club could enhance the understanding of the mindset of native society, thereby helping to build stronger connections.
Conclusion
In conclusion, by following the rules and customs of nonnative
cultures
Punctuation problem
cultures,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to be welcomed into a host society.
Additionally
Linking Words
, through
this
Linking Words
approach
Add a comma
approach,
show examples
 they can properly understand the values and beliefs of the host community.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way in the first paragraph. For example: “I agree that visitors and new people should adapt to local customs, as long as these customs do not go against their basic rights.” This makes your position fully clear.
task response
Develop each main idea a little more. In the first body paragraph, explain how following local customs can lead to trust, not only less bad feeling. In the second, explain how joining local life can help people make friends and feel at home.
task response
Your examples fit the ideas well. Make them more exact: name one clothing custom or one activity in the reading club, and show the result for the visitor or new resident.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this strong shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are long or use an unclear form. For example, change “Another factor worth mentioning is that how effectively people want to adapt...” to “Another reason is that adapting to local life can help people feel less alone.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, but do not repeat the same pattern too often. You can use simple links such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In addition” when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Make pronouns clear. In “these people tend to break local rules,” it is not fully clear who “these people” means. Say “newcomers” again instead.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the essay focused on adapting to the host culture.
task response
Both body paragraphs give useful reasons: gaining local acceptance and taking part in daily life.
task response
The examples of a Muslim country and a local reading club are relevant and support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well organised, with one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to both main points and gives the essay a clear ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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