IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
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It is being argued that these days, the growing requirements of common commodities show the art of promotions and not the true demands of the community where they are marketed.
However
, I totally concur with
this
 idea because of consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and the chance
of providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
 more detailed descriptions of goods in
advertisements
. The main reason for my agreement with
this
 opinion is
over using
Correct your spelling
overusing
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 culture. Not only do
advertisements
 try to shape new desires among
people
, but they
also
 make
people
 feel that owning certain goods enhances their status, happiness, or convenience. Even when the product is not essential, advertising uses a lot of tricks to make consumers feel they need it
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 often leads to impulsive buying decisions.
These
Fix the agreement mistake
This advertisement
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advertisements
 bombardment makes
people
 buy their products to feel satisfaction.
Consequently
,
this
 powerful impact often makes
people
 purchase items based on trends rather than their needs. Another reason for my agreement with
this
 proposition is room for more description. Advertising allows companies to describe their products more and better. It is possible that
people
 do not need those products, but
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
advertising makes
people
 feel
this
 need. The more
advertisements
 exist, the more description comes as follows. A clear example is gadgets.
People
 have experienced life without them and felt no need for them. Yet nowadays, smartwatches have become very common
due to
 the need for various data
such
 as health information.
Subsequently
, new needs are shaped by making
advertisements
. In conclusion, to reiterate I agree that the high sales of consumer goods point to the impact of advertising and not the actual needs of society in which they are traded because of consuming manner and the opportunity to offer more details. Should
this
 trend continue, it could have detrimental impacts.
Submitted by benyaminzademoradian1378 on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay remains focused on directly addressing the argument in the topic. Avoid straying into tangential discussions.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices or linking words to improve the flow of ideas within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph distinctly focuses on a single main point, clearly supported with evidence or examples.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents your position on the topic, setting a strong foundation for your arguments.
logical structure
The essay maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, aiding overall readability.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are used to illustrate the points, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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