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Band 7.5

Some children spend hourse every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negetive development?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
In today's digital era, an increasing number of
children
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 dedicate several hours each day to using their
smartphones
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.
This
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 trend is primarily driven by the addictive design of modern mobile applications and a lack of alternative recreational activities, and I firmly believe that
this
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 is a negative
development
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due to
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 its detrimental effects on physical health and social
development
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.
Body paragraph 1
The widespread habit of prolonged smartphone usage among
children
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 can be attributed to two main factors.
Firstly
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, digital platforms, particularly social media apps and online games, are intentionally engineered to capture and retain attention through reward mechanisms
such
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 as likes, notifications, and continuous updates. These features trigger dopamine release, making it extremely difficult for young minds to exercise self-restraint.
Secondly
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, changes in modern lifestyles have reduced opportunities for outdoor play. With urban environments becoming increasingly densely populated and parents often occupied with demanding work schedules,
smartphones
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 offer a convenient and accessible form of entertainment to keep
children
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 occupied at home.
Body paragraph 2
Despite the educational benefits and connectivity
smartphones
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 can offer, I consider
this
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 overuse to be overwhelmingly disadvantageous. The primary concern is the physical harm caused by a sedentary lifestyle. Spending extended hours staring at screens often leads to issues
such
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 as eye strain, poor posture, and sleep deprivation,
as well as
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 an increased risk of childhood obesity.
Furthermore
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, excessive screen time hinders the
development
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 of real-world social skills.
Children
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 who spend more time interacting with virtual environments miss out on essential face-to-face interactions, which can impair their ability to build empathy, read social cues, and establish meaningful interpersonal relationships.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
children
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 spend hours on
smartphones
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 mainly
due to
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 engaging application design and limited outdoor alternatives. I view
this
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 trend as a highly negative phenomenon because it compromises physical well-being and impedes fundamental social
development
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 during crucial formative years.

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task response
You answer both parts fully. To make the ideas even stronger, add one short real-life example. For example, show how a child may stop playing outside or sleep late after using a phone at night.
task response
Your main view is clear from the start and stays the same. You could also briefly say why the good sides of phones, such as learning apps, do not outweigh the harm when use is too long.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, causes, effects, and ending. Each paragraph has one main job, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear. You use words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “Despite this”, and “Furthermore” well. Try not to rely on set link words only; sometimes use a direct link in the next sentence to make the flow feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly sums up the causes and your view. It would be even smoother if the final line used a few simpler words, as some parts are quite formal.
task response
You give two clear reasons for heavy phone use: apps are made to hold attention, and children may have fewer chances to play outside.
task response
You explain your negative view with two strong areas: health and social growth. Both are directly linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear, and the reader can follow your point from start to finish.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening gives both the causes and your main view, while your ending returns to both. This gives the essay a strong shape.
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