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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that governments should provide free or low-cost housing for people who cannot afford it, while others think housing should be left to the private market. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In modern society, many people believe that
Use synonyms
government
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the government
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 should provide free or low-rent housing for citizens who cannot afford it;
however
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, others thinks housing
market
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 should be controlled by the private sector. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss both sides' advantages and disadvantages
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 and in my personal opinion, I believe that the
government
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 should give the
residents
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 who need support the necessary and basic shelter.
Body paragraph 1
From my perspective,
governments
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 should give society resources to the
residents
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 who need free or low-cost housing, in order to provide the basic human right.
For example
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, nowadays, many countries or
regions
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'
governments
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 provide basic shelter for their citizens,
such
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 as Singapore, Hong Kong and some European countries. Those
governments
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 believe that it is important to provide social equality, especially in terms of living rights. Providing public housing or the
government
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's own apartments to the
residents
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 who need housing are knowing policies worldwide.
Besides
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, those
regions
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' housing prices are too high for the normal
residents
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 to buy or even rent a small apartment; the
governments
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 have to give many citizens basic living places, in order to make sure
residents
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 with basic salaries are still affordable to live in a house.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
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, other
regions
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 still think the private
market
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 will automatically distribute different categories of housing and location to different
residents
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 whose incomes are diffrent in each other; based on how the
market
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 system works. Those
regions
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 are mainly in the countries with enough space to develop because when a city grows, it will automatically develop into high and low housing price
regions
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 which are relative to those
regions
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' location, economic development, transport system, safety and others resoures.
Although
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 I believe that the
market
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 system will always find a suitable place for every resident, there are still many
residents
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 who cannot afford the rent , even in low housing price
regions
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, and people tend to move to better area beacause they want their offspring to have a better living quality. But we
also
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 cannot ignore that constuct unlimit building for all the
residents
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 in better
regions
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, because the resources and the land are limited.
Conclusion
In summary, I insist that the
government
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 should provide basic shelter for the
residents
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 who need it, because it is a basic human right.
However
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, there are no unlimited resources for everyone to live at good location, sometimes society still need private
market
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 to control and distribute housing for different people with different incomes.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why a private market can work well. For example, it can give people more choice and can help build more homes.
task response
Your main view is clear: the state should give basic homes to people in need. Add one clear rule about who should get this help, such as people with very low pay, older people, or families with no home.
task response
The examples of Singapore, Hong Kong, and some parts of Europe fit the topic. Make them more useful by saying what the homes do for people, such as keeping rent low or helping families live near work and school.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Use simpler links between ideas. For example: "On the one hand", "On the other hand", "However", and "As a result".
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hold too many ideas. Break them into two or three short sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the second body paragraph, first explain the good side of the private market, then explain its limits. This will make the flow clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as "residents", "regions", and "basic" many times. You can also use "people", "families", "areas", and "homes".
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both sides and state your own view clearly.
task response
Your main point about safe, low-cost homes as a basic need is clear and stays on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The order of your ideas is easy to see: state help first, private market second, then your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending brings the two views together and gives a fair, balanced final point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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