IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, budget flights have made it possible for many people to travel widely. However, some argue that cheap air travel causes serious environmental problems and ticket prices should be increased. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In recent years, the growing popularity of budget airlines has made international
travel
Use synonyms
 more affordable and accessible to the general public.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend
also
Linking Words
 raised concerns about its environmental consequences.
While
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 I agree that increasing airfares could help mitigate these problems, I believe that
such
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 measures should be implemented cautiously to avoid restricting people's freedom to
travel
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, making
air
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travel
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 more expensive could discourage unnecessary flights and reduce emissions from
air
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travel
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. Since budget airlines offer considerably lower fares, people may tend to take frequent trips, including journeys that could potentially be replaced by alternative means of transport.
This
Linking Words
 contributes to higher fuel consumption and greater carbon emissions, which accelerate global warming.
Therefore
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, introducing reasonable environmental taxes on airline tickets could encourage passengers to reconsider their
travel
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 habits.
Furthermore
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, the additional income could be invested in developing more fuel-efficient and efficient aircraft, thereby reducing the industry's long-term environmental impact.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I do not believe that substantially increasing ticket prices is an appropriate solution. Affordable
air
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travel
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 enables people from different economic backgrounds to explore other countries, visit distant relatives and gain valuable cultural experiences. If airfares rise significantly, low-income individuals and families may find themselves unable to afford
such
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 opportunities, creating greater inequality in access to international
travel
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. Rather than simply making flights more expensive, governments should adopt a broader approach by encouraging airlines to use cleaner technologies,
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 public transport infrastructure and offering
rewarding
Replace the word
rewards
 to environmentally responsible practices.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 I support moderate increases in airfares as a means of discouraging excessive flying, I think that affordability must
also
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 be taken
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration. A combination of reasonable taxation and investment in sustainable
air
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 transportation would be a more effective and equitable solution.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view clearly. To make the answer even stronger, add one real example. For example, say how a flight tax could help pay for clean planes or better trains in one country.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. The point about people with less money is good. You could also say why some flights are hard to replace, such as trips over the sea or to see family far away.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: start, one side, other side, and end. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “Rather than”. Try not to use too many long sentences in one paragraph. A few shorter sentences would make key points stand out more.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar points that can affect flow. Write “the trend has raised concerns”, “encouraging airlines”, “offering rewards”, and “taken into consideration”.
task response
You give a balanced view: higher prices may cut harm, but very high prices may stop some people from travelling. Your final view is clear and fair.
task response
The idea of using extra ticket money for cleaner planes gives a useful reason for your view.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss and states your view. The ending returns to that view and gives a clear answer.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is strong. You first explain why prices could rise, then explain why this may not be fair, before giving a middle way.
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