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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people are choosing to live on their own. Is this a positive or a negative trend?What is your opinion and share your personal experiences? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is an increasing trend that
people
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 live alone. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development because living on their own enhances life
skills
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,
such
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 as cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
also
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 helpful for
people
Use synonyms
 to improve their financial management.
Body paragraph 1
People
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 face many problems if they live alone. When I started living alone after graduating from university, I was so busy catching up with the first job that I couldn't regularly tidy up my room and make nutritious meals,
by which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 I frequently caught a severe cold. Upon
this
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 experience, I learned how important these valuable but cumbersome habits that I couldn't make are and how difficult to continue and make them a habit. Since
then
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, I have made up my mind to keep maintaining my room clean so that I can stay healthy and vigorous. Through
this
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 experience, I understand the connection between a good living environment and good health,
developing
Correct word choice
and developing
show examples
 house chore
skills
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.
Body paragraph 2
Living alone often requires considerable capital compared to living with a family. I,
for instance
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, suffered a financial strain when I started to live alone. I, thereby, need to be cautious on what I spend my money on because I have significant outlays, including rent, electricity, and gas.
Therefore
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, I was forced to realise how much money I used for unnecessary purposes, which was a wake-up call to me.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, I reviewed my expenditures and studied how to build financial assets, e.g., savings and investments, which was a great foothold to develop my financial literacy.
Hence
Linking Words
, through the process of living alone, I assume that
people
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 can learn financial management
skills
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, living alone is a positive for
people
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 to develop life
skills
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 and is a great opportunity to learn financial literacy.

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Task response
Your main view is clear: living alone is a good change. You give two main reasons: people can learn home skills and money skills. However, the first body paragraph starts by saying that people face many problems. Make the link clearer: these hard times can teach useful skills.
Task response
Your own examples are real and useful. Add one short sentence after each example to show exactly why it proves your main view. For example, say that learning to cook helped you stay well, and making a budget helped you save money.
Task response
The question asks if this is a positive or negative trend. You answer this well, but you could make your view stronger by saying that living alone may be hard at first, yet it is positive in the long run.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Each main paragraph has one central idea. This makes the essay easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hold too many ideas. Split them into two or three shorter sentences. This will make the meaning clearer and easier to read.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Moreover”, “Therefore”, and “Hence” are used often. You can also use simple links like “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “In this way” when they fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, begin with the skill you learned, then give the story, and end by linking it back to health and home skills.
Task response
You answer all main parts of the question and give a clear personal view from the start to the end.
Task response
Your stories about your first job and paying for rent, gas, and electricity make your ideas feel real and personal.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly gives two reasons, and the two body paragraphs follow these reasons in the same order.
Coherence and cohesion
The conclusion restates your main view and brings the two key points together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-reliance
  • personal growth
  • privacy
  • personal space
  • financial burden
  • cost-sharing
  • loneliness
  • isolation
  • flexibility
  • freedom
  • safety risks
  • elderly individuals
  • health issues
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