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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Consider both arguments and present your viewpoint. Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.

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Introduction
There are certain people in society who claim that it is necessary for
artists
Use synonyms
 to be supported by governments,
while
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 others consider
this
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 a waste of public money. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and explain why I consider each view equally reasonable.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those in favour of government funding argue that
artists
Use synonyms
 bring significant cultural and educational benefits to society. Their creations can help children learn about their culture and history and encourage them to express themselves through art.
For example
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, an exhibition of historical photographs can teach younger generations about their country's past and help preserve
this
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 knowledge for the future.
However
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,
artists
Use synonyms
 may struggle to earn enough money through sales alone, even when their work has considerable cultural value.
Therefore
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, government funding can enable them to continue producing their work and sharing it with wider audiences.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, opponents argue that governments should prioritise social problems, particularly those arising from financial hardship. Since public budgets are limited, money allocated to artistic projects may reduce the funds available for healthcare, education and assistance for low-income families.
For instance
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, in a community where hospitals lack basic equipment, purchasing medical supplies should take priority over financing an expensive art exhibition. Addressing these urgent needs would help people maintain their health, meet their basic needs and improve their quality of life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, both views present valid points, since the former group supports
artists
Use synonyms
 as they can preserve cultural heritage and provide valuable educational opportunities,
whereas
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 the latter group espouses that addressing social problems should be the government's main priority.

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task response
You discuss both sides well and give clear reasons. However, your own view is not fully clear. You say both views are equally reasonable, but the task asks for your viewpoint. State more clearly when art support is right, for example, after health, schools, and basic help have enough money.
task response
Add one short idea about how public money could be used with care. For example, the government could support local art, free shows for children, or work that keeps old culture safe. This would make your view more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. The links such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'For instance' help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph is clear, but it mostly repeats earlier points. Make it stronger by giving a final answer, such as: 'In my view, art should receive support, but only when basic public needs are met.'
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and contain many ideas. Break a few of them into two shorter sentences so that the main point is easier to see.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and use useful examples about old photos and hospital equipment.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: art can keep culture and help learning, while public money is also needed for health and poor families.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph starts with a clear main idea and then gives reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of paragraphing and linking words makes the essay easy to read.
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