In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, countryside residents are migrating to urban
areas
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;
as a result
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, the population of rural
areas
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has decreased significantly,
while
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the number of city residents is increasing. I believe that
this
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is complectely negative development because migration can negatively affect countries’ agricultural systems,
as well as
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property prices in the city area have been increasing.
Consequently
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,
people
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face a
lot
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of challenges economically
,
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apply
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when they migrate to cities.
Firstly
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,
although
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people
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prefer to move to city
areas
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, their agricultural
lands
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are the main problem. If
people
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migrate to urban
areas
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, they cannot spend time on agricultural work, which is very important to improve countries’ annual crop production.
For instance
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, a
lot
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of
people
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in Sri Lanka are moving to urban
areas
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with their children because
people
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who want to give a high-level education to their children
,
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are not working on their cultivation
lands
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.
As a result
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, those
lands
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become useless
lands
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and
,
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farmland is destroyed by animals
such
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as elephants and pigs.
Moreover
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, demand for urban land has been increasing significantly as
people
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migrate to cities.
Therefore
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, residents need a
lot
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of money to buy new houses and pay monthly rent. Even though
people
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have many expenses these days, they have to pay their
house
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rent and property bills, which affect their economy.
For example
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, my uncle, who sold his village
house
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, wanted to buy a new
house
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in Colombo, which is the capital of Sri Lanka.
However
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, he did not have enough money to buy a new
house
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, so he applied for a bank loan, which was a reason to reduce his economic freedom. In conclusion,
people
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have lots of requirements in their lives, and they move to an urban area to achieve those easily.
As a result
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,
people
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forget their agricultural
lands
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, and they face a
lot
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of economic problems.
However
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, urbanisation is the most popular topic these days.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in each body part. Say how each point shows this is a negative change.
task response
Add one more clear reason or explain your two reasons more deeply. This will make your answer feel more full.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are good, but a few parts are hard to follow. Keep each sentence close to the main point of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Sometimes you use too many, and this can make the flow less smooth.
task response
Your example about Sri Lanka is relevant, but explain more clearly how it connects to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should end with a firm final opinion. The last line about urbanisation does not add much to your answer.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion that this is a negative development.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, such as farming land and housing in Colombo.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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