IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, countryside residents are migrating to urban
areas
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.
As a result
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, the population of rural
areas
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 has decreased significantly,
while
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 the number of city residents has increased. I believe that
this
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 is a completely negative development because migration can negatively affect countries’ agricultural systems, and property prices in city
areas
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 have been increasing.
Consequently
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,
people
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 face many economic challenges when they migrate to cities.
Firstly
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,
although
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people
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 prefer to move to city
areas
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, their agricultural
lands
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 become a major problem. If
people
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 migrate to urban
areas
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, they cannot spend time on agricultural work, which is very important for improving a country’s annual crop production.
For instance
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, a lot of
people
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 in Sri Lanka are moving to urban
areas
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 with their children because they want to provide a high-quality education for them, so they are not working on their cultivation
lands
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.
As a result
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, those
lands
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 become unused, and farmland is destroyed by animals
such
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 as elephants and pigs.
Moreover
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, demand for urban land has been increasing significantly as
people
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 migrate to cities.
Therefore
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, residents need a lot of money to buy new houses or pay monthly rent. Even though
people
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 have many expenses these days, they have to pay
house
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 rent and property bills, which affect their financial situation.
For example
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, my uncle, who sold his village
house
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, wanted to buy a new
house
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 in Colombo, which is the capital of Sri Lanka.
However
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, he did not have enough money to buy a new
house
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, so he applied for a bank loan, which reduced his financial freedom. In conclusion,
people
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 have many requirements in their lives, and they move to urban
areas
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 to achieve them easily.
As a result
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,
people
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 neglect their agricultural
lands
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, and they face many economic problems.
However
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, urbanisation is one of the most widely discussed topics these days.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. The first body part starts with farming land, but the link to why this is negative can be more direct.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Some parts jump fast from one point to the next.
task achievement
Your answer gives a clear opinion, but you should explain both big reasons in a deeper way.
task achievement
The last line in the conclusion is not needed because it does not help your answer to the question.
task achievement
Try to make each example more exact and show more clearly how it supports your main point.
task achievement
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You use examples to support your ideas, and this helps your answer.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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