In many countries, people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses, and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies? Do you consider it good or bad?

It is true that sportsmen and entertainers are generally richer than professional workers
such
as doctors, nurses and teachers.
This
is
due to
the fact that these celebrities attract a large following and
therefore
can earn money in many ways. I personally believe that
this
wealth gap is justified by their hard work and willingness to deal with public pressure. The main reason why people working in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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and entertainment are
better-off
Correct your spelling
better off
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is that they are much more popular and
thus
benefit from
this
celebrity status. Apart from their main job, well-known athletes can secure lucrative contracts with sporting brands to endorse their products. Actors or singers may allow fashion companies to use their image in exchange for a huge sum of royalty.
By contrast
, professionals like doctors or teachers provide their services to a limited number of people, and can only get paid
accordingly
. I would argue that celebrities earn great wealth through their efforts to improve themselves and face up to public scrutiny.
Firstly
,
this
line of work is extremely competitive; would-be entertainers need to have a combination of luck and talent to stand out,
otherwise
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otherwise,
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they may end up
worse-off
Correct your spelling
worse off
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than an average worker. Even celebrities can be reduced to has-beens if they do not adjust to the ever-changing demands of the public.
Secondly
, famous people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
less privacy and are often troubled by fabricated news and sensationalism. These negative aspects can be considered a price to pay for a life under the spotlight. In comparison, a professional can enjoy work and life separately and face much less competition. In conclusion, compared to professional workers,
sport
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sports
show examples
stars and entertainers indulge in a wealthier lifestyle thanks to their greater popularity.
This
is rightly earned through their application and at their own privacy sacrifice.
Submitted by leminhielts on

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Extended
Task Response: The response provides a well-developed argument addressing the reasons behind the wealth gap between sports and entertainment professionals and professionals like doctors, nurses, and teachers. The writer presents a clear opinion on whether this gap is justified. The response is detailed and supported by relevant examples.
Extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The main points are well-supported and the essay flows cohesively. However, there could be stronger connections between the supporting points to enhance overall coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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