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Writing Samples
Band 7

5.Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year. It can make them perform better in their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employers #staff #-week #holiday #year #work
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Recently,
workers
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 have spent a large number of hours at
workplace
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the workplace
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. Many people believe that companies should give their employees at least a month's
holiday
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 per year; in order to increase their productivity and creativity in their
work
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. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 development will have a positive impact on both employers and employees because
workers
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 will have more time to spend with their families and friends, which in turn can decrease their stress. Many people today have different types of responsibilities
besides
Linking Words
 their
work
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, which could lead to an increase
their
Change preposition
in their
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 stress and a decrease in their hard
work
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. By giving them a four-week off per year, they may have a trip for relaxation away from their workplace.
This
Linking Words
 could reduce their anxiety level, and enhance their mental well-being;
therefore
Linking Words
, they might become more concentrated at their
work
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, many well-known organizations
such
Linking Words
 as NASA and Amazon give their staff a long
holiday
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 to entertain and relax away from their companies and
work
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;
as a result
Linking Words
, their staff become more productive and concentrated at their
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 development will not only benefit the
company
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's staff but
also
Linking Words
 play an important role in improving the
company
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's economy. If
workers
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 have a great time with their families or friends, they will put more effort and
work
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 after returning from their trips; thereby, the
company
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's income will significantly grow.
For example
Linking Words
, a large number of employers today are aware of the importance of reducing the burden on employees by giving them a big
holiday
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, in order to increase the
company
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's economic level. In conclusion, bosses should give their
workers
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 a long
holiday
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 because
this
Linking Words
 may lower their anxiety levels and promote their productivity.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may have a great impact on
organization's
Correct article usage
the organization's
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revanue
Correct your spelling
revenue
.
Submitted by zuhrakhirie1997 on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure that examples are directly relevant to the main points you're making. For instance, the mention of NASA and Amazon could be further elaborated to directly tie back to how extended holidays have positively impacted their employees' productivity.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to small grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, in the phrase "...which could lead to an increase their stress...", consider rephrasing for clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to its coherence and cohesion.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with appropriate examples and explanations.
complete response
The response thoroughly addresses the prompt, presenting a clear agreement with the statement and providing rational reasons.
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