IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviours. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviours the most. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #influences #behaviours #amount #time #television
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary society, there are many things which leave significant impacts to children, particularly their
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
behaviour
. Due to
this
 fact, some people consider that what the youngsters watch on
TV
 will affect to them. Meanwhile, the others argue that the time they spend on watching
TV
 will influence their
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 a lot. In my opinion, I concur with the idea that children will be influenced by the content they watch on
TV
. On the one hand, spending a big amount of time on television may result in the addiction of watching many hours. Because the young generations are in the process of development, they are curious about new things.
Therefore
, children find it interesting in watching
TV
 for undiscovered things as well as their curiosity.
However
,
this
 leads to the fact that eye diseases may be caused. If children focus on watching several hours, the strength of their eyes will be alleviated.
Hence
, children are likely to have illnesses
such
 as
myopic
Suggestion
myopia
 and
hypermetropic
.
For instance
, my younger brother had watched
TV
 through days and nights.
As a result
, he is at level 5 of
myopic
Suggestion
myopia
 at the moment.
On the other hand
, the content on the
TV
 will
transmiss
transfer to another
transmit
 both benefits and drawbacks. Not only children can be educated by education channels, but
also
 they can be harmed by pornography as well as violable words.
Thus
, every
channels
Suggestion
channel
 on the television should be controlled by the authorities with a view to ensuring the safety content. To sum up, both of the ideas will have impacts on the children’s behaviours, but I
nuture
help develop, help grow
nurture
neither
neuter
 the opinion that what the youngsters watch will influence themselves.
Submitted by huynhleanhkhuong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: