IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many troubles, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #competitions #troubles
There is no doubt that sports play
significant role
Suggestion
a significant role
 in
bulding
a structure that has a roof and walls and stands more or less permanently in one place
building
 nation’s identity.
However
, it is a debatable topic that whether a country should host a sporting event. While some believe that it does more harm than good, I agree with those who argue that these events must be welcome because of their considerable advantages.
To begin
 with drawbacks, it is clear that handsome amount of public money is spent
for
Suggestion
in
 organizing these events. For
developing country
Suggestion
developing countries
a developing country
 like India who is combating poverty, low-literacy and
mal-nutrition
a state of poor nutrition; can result from insufficient or excessive or unbalanced diet or from inability to absorb foods
malnutrition
 and other problems.
it
Suggestion
It
 is totally inappropriate to
spent
Suggestion
spend
 huge money on
such
fency
imagine; conceive of; see in one's mind
fancy
 events.
For example
, in 2010 Delhi
common wealth
Suggestion
Commonwealth
commonwealth
 games, the government used over 100 million rupees for managing events, city infrastructure beautification and foreign delegates hospitality while the state farmers were dealing with worst water shortage crisis.
Thus
, these expensive sporting events consume
big chunk
Suggestion
a big chunk
 of government
budget which
Accept comma addition
budget, which
 can be used for other development programmes,
therefore
 they should be avoided.
However
, despite organizing these
event
Suggestion
events
 are costly affair, the virtu they bring along can not be ignored. Sportsmen, journalists and tourists around the world come
for
Suggestion
to
 these events. While their visit, they interact with
locals
Suggestion
the locals
, understand culture, make friends, and
finally
 it results in cordial relationship with foreign communities.
Additionally
, it not only thrusts tourism, but
also
 opens
new business horizon
Suggestion
a new business horizon
new business horizons
the new business horizon
 in
internation market
Suggestion
the international market
international market
international markets
International market
 which ultimately accelerate economic growth.
For instance
, Indian GDP increased 0.5% in
subsequent year
Suggestion
subsequent years
the subsequent year
 of hosting 2015 cricket world cup. All in all, these sporting events glorify
overall image
Suggestion
the overall image
 of
country
Suggestion
the country
a country
. In conclusion,
although
 organizing
such
 competitions are expensive, I feel that their contribution to
economy
Suggestion
the economy
,
internation
Suggestion
international
 relationship and tourism are noteworthy and government should
counduct
direct the course of; manage or control
conduct
contact
 them as and when feasible.
Submitted by singh.ashay.h on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • national pride
  • economic stimulus
  • gentrification
  • displacement
  • environmental sustainability
  • international cooperation
  • corruption
  • public infrastructure
  • commercialization
  • public health
  • social issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: