IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

To what extent is nuclear technology a danger to life on Earth? What are the benefits and risks associated with its use?

#technology #danger #life #earth #risks
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The potential perils associated with the usage of nuclear
energy
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 have created tremendous fear for many people. In my range of understanding, I think
although
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 it is true nuclear power poses various threats to life, its benefits would
also
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 bring certain detrimental effects on humans. Before all else, there is a scarce number of advancements that nuclear automation carries.
In particular
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, the medical industry has integrated
this
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radiation
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 machinery to aid in curing diseases
such
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 as cancer. Applying it to the body can burn away cancerous cells which gives the patient a higher chance to live.
Moreover
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, nuclear
energy
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 is considered the largest source of clean power. Several countries have been adopting
this
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 as a method for cheap and renewable
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
energy
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. On the other spectrum, despite its advantages during the
last
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 century. Many people still hold that its disadvantages and misuses far outweigh its positive aspects.
Firstly
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, the industrialization of nuclear
energy
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 produces nuclear waste which is exceedingly strenuous to dispose of.
Secondly
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, the usage of
radiation
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 in medical treatments is not always successful but rather painful and risky.
Lastly
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 and most importantly, its uses for military purposes are the most argumentative topic of all.
In other words
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, nuclear weapons have immensely traumatized victims of the
radiation
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 wars in the past century.
For instance
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, based on my research, thousands of lives have been taken away in Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the first two nuclear bombs were invented. Despite its life-threatening outcomes, some countries
such
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 as Russia did not bring a halt to the construction of
radiation
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 weapons. To recapitulate all the facts,
although
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 various lucrative applications of nuclear technology bring improvements, it is difficult not to consider the detrimental effects it carries.
Submitted by truongmaihanh on

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Task Achievement
You have addressed the topic and attempted to cover both the benefits and the risks of nuclear technology. However, the essay falls short in providing a balanced analysis, as it tends to emphasize the dangers more than the benefits. To improve your score in task achievement, strive to explore both sides of the argument equally and develop your points more fully with specific examples and explanations to back up your assertions.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay generally follows logical progression with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, and the connections between your points need to be more explicit. Using a variety of linking words and phrases can help improve the flow and clarity of your ideas from one sentence to the next. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences directly contribute to that idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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