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Writing Samples
Band 8

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
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It is no-doubt true that the inventions of electronic devices have affected our everyday lives so much throughout history. While
this
Linking Words
 might harm people’s physical health to some extent, I believe that the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. The main drawback of electronic tools is that people become less physically active due to excessive time spent for
such
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 inventions. In the workplace, employees are expected to sit down and work almost without breaks in front of the computer’s screen over a long period of time.
This
Linking Words
 repeated action on a daily basis can progressively lead to impaired physical mobility or dangerously increased chance of fatal diseases
such
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 as diabetes or stroke. A report in the UK in 2017,
for example
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, pointed that millions of adults in their country were physically inactive, putting themselves at greater risk of heart and circulatory disease.
This
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 can
also
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 be a negative impact for the whole community in the long term, as we will possibly see an increasing number of patients in hospitals suffering from these poor health conditions. Despite the negatives mentioned above, it is my belief that these inventions are bringing us more merits than demerits.
Firstly
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, they allow an individual to communicate and keep in touch with his family, relatives and friends,
thus
Linking Words
 reinforce the relationship among them.
Secondly
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, people can be informed about what is happening around the globe, especially those living in remote areas like islands or deserts, simply by turning on a television.
For instance
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, if a man chose to live in an absolutely isolated countryside, his life would be in huge trouble and tedious as a consequence of the absence of
such
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 electronic devices.
Furthermore
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, inventions like the computer offer a great opportunity for many young students to complete lots of online University courses with no need of attending face-to-face classes. In conclusion,
although
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 I recognize some potential dangers of electronically operated devices, it appears that these inventions are more beneficial to
human being
Suggestion
human beings
the human being
 in terms of communication and long distance study.
Submitted by downtownman_mmt on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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