The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Owing to the problems which a growing population of overweight people cause for the
health
care system, some people think that the key to solving these issues is to have more sport
and exercise in schools
. In my opinion, I completely agree that this
is the best way to tackle the issue of deteriorating public health
in relation to weight.
Firstly
, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long term
approach and introducing more Add a hyphen
long-term
sport
and exercise in schools
. This
method will ensure that the next generation will be healthier and will not have such
health
problems. At the moment, the average child in the West does sport
possibly twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their otherwise
sedentary lifestyle. However
, by incorporating more sports classes into the curriculum as well as
encouraging extracurricular sports activities, they will undoubtedly become fitter and more active.
Another point to consider is that having more sports lessons for children
in schools
will probably result in children
developing an interest in exercise which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer lasting
effect. Add a hyphen
longer-lasting
In other words
, parents with sporty children
are more likely to get involved in sport
as a way of encouraging their Fix the agreement mistake
sports
children
. By both parents and children
being involved, it will ensure that children
grow up to incorporate sport
into their daily lives. This
is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health
.
In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing sport
in schools
is the easiest and most effective method to use.Submitted by nithyadps on
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Task Response
I commend the clarity and depth of your discussion — your points are logically sequenced. Yet, the task requires you to reflect your personal standpoint sustainability. Even though you have covered all the key points in your argument, you need to be a bit more assertive in your conclusion to demonstrate that you fully committed to the opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
I applaud your level of coherence and cohesion — You effectively used a variety of cohesive features and discourse markers. Your paragraphs' ideas are arranged logically with clear progress and coherence between them.
Lexical Resource
Your lexical resource is noteworthy — the range of vocabulary used in the essay demonstrates your grasp of lexical resource. However, there are still areas of improvement. Try to avoid repetition of certain words or phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Your essay is grammatically well-structured. It appears that you are comfortable with complex sentences which is remarkable. Yet, you could use punctuation a bit more effectively to enhance readability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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