Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individual and societies. To what extent do you agree?

It is often argued that social
media
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has had a negative influence on both
people
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and societies. From my perspective, it seems convincing since
people
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spend a large amount of their free time on social networking sites , and it exposes
people
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aged under 18 years old to sensitive topics.
To begin
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with, I accept that
people
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feel connected through social
media
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, so it has a positive effect on their mental
wellbeing
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well-being
show examples
.
Also
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, it provides more access to information that enables
people
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to fulfil their own interests.
For example
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, during COVID-19,
people
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used social
media
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to update their stories and share their daily lives.
As a result
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, individuals were able to feel connected.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that social
media
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has influenced us largely.
Firstly
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, juveniles are often exposed to sensitive content.
This
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is mainly because social
media
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stays connected with the Internet, which means government regulation will not work perfectly.
Therefore
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, young
people
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would be exposed to cyber crimes: scams.
For example
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,
according to
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research (2019) in South Korea, young children experienced unwanted sexual harassment once a week
due to
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adult advertising.
As a result
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, social networking sites have a large negative impact on individuals.
Also
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, social
media
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makes crime easier than before. It is a way to involve
people
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in crime easily. The internet communities do not affect time and place.
Therefore
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, individuals are more exposed to scam crimes.
As a result
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, the government will allocate more funds to the police. It means social
media
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will become a burden for the government. In conclusion, social
media
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influences natively on both
people
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and communities. Because
people
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are more exposed to sensitive content and crimes.
Consequently
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, social networking sites have negative impacts.

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task response
Be clear on your view at the start and keep it to the end. Each part should have one big idea that links to your view.
coherence cohesion
Use a simple line to start each part that shows the main idea, then add a little detail.
task response
Check facts and use ideas you can prove. Some claims may seem weak or not true.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, so to help flow.
content
The essay talks about both sides of the issue.
organization
It has a clear plan with parts that fit the idea of an intro, two body parts, and a end.
evidence
Some good examples are used, like COVID-19 and a Korea study.
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