The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum

Due to urbanisation, people have started following

unhealthy lifestyle

Suggestion

an unhealthy lifestyle

which is creating tremendous health ailments in them. Some are of the opinion that

key

Suggestion

the key

to solve

this

muddle is to include more physical activities in

education system

Suggestion

the education system

. I

completely

Suggestion

complete

accord with

this

notion as it will be beneficial to tackle

this

arising

advancing or becoming higher or greater in degree or value or status

rising

issue. There are umpteen factors why sports should be inculcated in the curriculum.

Primary reason

Suggestion

The primary reason

that is

if it is imbibed in the system, people will become more aware about

benefits

Suggestion

the benefits

of healthy living and they will start obeying that way of living. Every individual will start consuming balanced diet. Another reason is that

living active

Accept comma addition

living, active

and healthy lifestyle

make

Suggestion

makes

people less prone to physical or any mental hurdles. People should commence exercising or at-least walking on

daily basis

Suggestion

a daily basis

For instance

, The reports have shown that people who are more fitness freaks are healthy and active and are least lethargic in their daily schedule.

Although

infusing physical activities will make people healthy, people will not stop

intaking

junk food. There should be stern actions against the fast foods and unhealthy food items so that individuals will find it difficult to afford them and

as a result

will stop purchasing them.

For example

, there are records which stated that levying taxes on tobacco products make people impossible to buy those products. To conclude,

although

there are

plethora

Suggestion

a plethora

of measures which can assist people in maintaining their healthy and sound lifestyle, having physical education at

grass

Suggestion

the grass

-root level of the child’s curriculum will prove more favourable towards fitness and health.

Submitted by rups.mahajan26 on Wed May 01 2019

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays more and more people are using smartphones and computers to communicate, so they are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

In some countries fast food restaurants and supermarkets give money to schools to promote their product. Do you think it’s a positive or negative development of children ?

Some peopel believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, umproving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger childern. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that technological interventions such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?