IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kinds of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

#people #changes #lives #kinds
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people are afraid to make any life changing decisions. The main
problem
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 causes is that people are unable to get rid of their bad habits and the most viable solution is that they can overcome
this
Linking Words
 fear of change by increasing their knowledge. The principle
problem
Use synonyms
 associated with people afraid to bring about any change in their lives is that they are used to certain habits. Many individuals adopt bad
habits like,
Suggestion
habits, like
 smoking and drinking, and
although
Linking Words
 they acknowledge their harmful effects, they are very happy to continue doing it because they find it comforting. The result of
this
Linking Words
 is that people are more prone to many health problems, like obesity and diabetes, later in life.
For example
Linking Words
, according to the survey conducted by the American Health
association
a formal organization of people or groups of people
Association
, 40% of the general public have a habit of eating pizzas and burgers, even though they know that junk food is unhealthy. To tackle the
problem
Use synonyms
, people should be encouraged to start reading and increase their knowledge. By gathering more information about the effects of their habits, people would be able to understand and adopt the changes they are good for them.
This
Linking Words
 will undoubtedly have a positive effect on their mentality and they will be more comfortable to make those changes.
For instance
Linking Words
, a smoker is likely to stop smoking if he researches the harm that smoking does to his body. In conclusion, change is natural and people who resist it are only harming themselves by continuing some of their unhealthy habits,
however
Linking Words
 the
problem
Use synonyms
 can be addressed by encouraging people to read more and,
thus
Linking Words
 improve themselves.
Submitted by wqewqe on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: