IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
Many people believe that
money
 is the key to happiness and that the more
money
 you have the happier you become. Other people feel that having a lot of
money
 actually causes more problems than it solves. I believe that as long as people have enough
money
 for basic necessities
such
 as food and a reasonable place to live, a great deal of surplus
money
 tends to make life less rather than more content. There are a several reasons for
this
.
First
 of all, if you have a great deal of
money
 there is no real reason to go out to work or to strive for anything.
Secondly
, wealthy people tend to attract the wrong sort of people. After a while, the rich start to believe that the people around them are only after one thing; having a share in their
money
.
This
 makes rich people distrustful even of those good and loyal people who are their genuine friends. Another result of having plenty of
money
 is the fear of losing it. Rich people start to build high walls around themselves and invest in hi-tech security systems to keep out the rest of the world. They
also
 become snobbish about whom they meet, always frightened that people without
money
 are potential thieves or con artists. For all these reasons I feel that having a great deal of
money
 actually brings the opposite of happiness. It leads people to lose sight of the real sources of happiness, which often come from simple things like family life and friendship. Wealth prevents people from seeing the true value of things, only recognising what they cost.
Submitted by Serhii Baraniuk on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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