Although parents are responsible for raising a child, outside influence plays a key role in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The role of external influence in a child’s
development
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has long been a subject of debate, in spite of the primary responsibility resting on parents. I,
however
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, completely agree with the given notion that
peers
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, education, and media, shape a youngster’s
values
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, behaviour, and worldview.
Firstly
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, one of the major influences in a baby’s
development
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is
peers
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. They are a key source of social learning. Children observe and imitate their
peers
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, learning social skills, communication, and societal norms
further
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shaping behaviour positively or negatively, depending on the social circle.
Additionally
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,
peers
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provide opportunities for the
development
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of empathy and emotional intelligence. Through interaction with
peers
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, children learn to understand and navigate different perspectives, develop empathy, and build relationships – skills essential for successful social integration and personal growth. One who spends time with classmates who prioritize kindness and inclusivity,
for instance
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, is likely to adopt similar
values
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, promoting a positive environment and individual growth.
Furthermore
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, educational institutions exert a significant influence on a teenager’s
development
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. Elaborating on
this
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, schools promote socialization and cultural understanding since they bring together children from diverse backgrounds, fostering social interactions and exposure to different cultures, beliefs, and perspectives.
This
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exposure broadens one’s understanding of the world and encourages tolerance, respect, and inclusivity.
For example
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, a toddler attending a school that
values
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diversity and multiculturalism is more likely to develop a global perspective and respect for different cultures and backgrounds.
Moreover
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, the digital age has broadened children’s exposure to media, influencing their attitudes, behaviours, and aspirations. Television, movies, and the internet shape their perceptions of gender roles, social
values
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, and lifestyles, impacting their identity formation. In conclusion, I firmly believe that extrinsic influence including
peers
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, media platforms, and academic organizations play a vital role in shaping children’s
values
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, behavior, and worldview apart from the parental force.
Submitted by ashissarker18 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, providing clear transitions to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Continue to support main points with relevant examples, but aim to include more varied and detailed examples to fully develop your ideas.
task achievement
A more nuanced approach to both agreement and disagreement could enrich the discussion in the essay, providing a better demonstration of language and argumentative skills.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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