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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic" and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the young
generation
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 should choose a
job
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 that they want,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that they should be more realistic and think about their
future
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. On the one hand, there are several benefits of choosing a
job
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 that teenagers want.
Firstly
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,
job
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satisfaction
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. Many
people
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 believe that
job
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satisfaction
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 is more important than the salary of the
job
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. If
people
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 do not have
job
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satisfaction
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, they will retire earlier than
people
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 with
job
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satisfaction
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.
For example
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,
last
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 year's statistics show that nearly 80% of
people
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 retired earlier than 5 years because they did not enjoy their
work
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 and they were tired of
this
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, but if
people
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work
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 with
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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, they will
work
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 longer and will not be tired of their
job
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.
Therefore
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,if young
generation
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 choose their profession depending on their desire, they will
work
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 with joy and without any stress
On the other hand
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, there are many reasons why the young
generation
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 should choose to
work
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 with thinking about their
future
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.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 choose a
job
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 as a kid and they do not know about the
future
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. Many young generations want to be pilots or cosmonauts but 1% of young
people
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 succeed in being them because it is absolutely difficult and in the
future
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 young
people
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 may regret that they did not think about their
future
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, that’s why I recommend choosing a
job
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 and thinking about the
future
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 will save their time. If young
people
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 think about their
future
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 earlier, they will not spend time choosing a
future
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job
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 and will have a plan for the
future
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. In conclusion, I believe that the young
generation
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 will choose a
job
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according to
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 their interests and will get pleasure from their
job
Use synonyms
. In my point of view, the young
generation
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 should choose the
job
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 that they want, because
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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 is the most important aspect for me.

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task achievement
For a stronger task response, ensure all the aspects of the task are addressed thoroughly. More examples and explanations can help build a more convincing argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure and flow by using linking words and organizing information clearly and logically across paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents both views of the topic, which is necessary for this type of task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and well-defined, adding clarity to the overall structure of the essay.
task achievement
The points made in the essay are sufficiently supported with examples, though further development could strengthen the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
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