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Writing Samples
Band 7

Advertisements of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisement to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree

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It is often argued that
advertisements
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 for snacks and toys have a strong influence on
children
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 and their
parents
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, and
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therefore
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therefore,
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such
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 marketing aimed at young audiences should be prohibited.
While
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 some people support
this
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 view, I largely agree that advertising directed at
children
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 should be restricted for several important reasons. The primary reason I support
this
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 opinion is that
children
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 are highly impressionable and often lack the maturity to recognise the persuasive purpose of
advertisements
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. Unlike adults, young
children
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 may believe that every product shown on television or online is necessary or beneficial.
As a result
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, they are more likely to pressure their
parents
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 into buying items that may be unnecessary or unhealthy.
For example
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, frequent
advertisements
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 for sugary snacks can encourage poor eating habits and increase the risk of childhood obesity.
Therefore
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, limiting
such
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 marketing would help protect
children
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 from harmful influences. Another important factor is that
advertisements
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 can place unnecessary financial pressure on
parents
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. Many families are constantly exposed to marketing campaigns promoting expensive toys, fashionable gadgets, or branded snacks.
Although
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 some people argue that advertising simply informs consumers about available products, I believe that marketing aimed at
children
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 often exploits their emotions rather than providing useful information.
Consequently
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,
parents
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 may feel compelled to purchase products in order to satisfy their
children
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 or avoid conflict at home. In conclusion, I largely agree that
advertisements
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 targeting
children
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 should be banned or heavily controlled because
children
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 are easily influenced
and
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, and
show examples
parents
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 may face unnecessary pressure. Protecting young audiences should be a priority over commercial interests.

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task response
Make your view even more clear in all body parts, not only in the start and end.
task response
Add one more clear example to make your ideas stronger and more full.
task response
You can explain the other side a little more before you give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care so each idea grows step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are good, but you can develop them more with one extra reason or result.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make each body paragraph follow one clear line from topic sentence to example to result.
task response
You answer the question well and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is used well and helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas connect in a logical way.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • preferences
  • materialism
  • financial strain
  • mental well-being
  • body image concerns
  • unrealistic expectations
  • ethical concerns
  • exploiting
  • impressionability
  • health awareness
  • educational content
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