IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effects does it have on individual and on society?

#people #countries #effects #society
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It has been reported in
number
Suggestion
a number
 of studies that sleeping habits of residents of handful countries are going through
change
Use synonyms
. Following paragraphs will be
penned
make a sweeping movement
panned
pinned
 to establish the reasons causing
this
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
, followed by the consequences
it
Accept comma addition
it, change
change
Use synonyms
 has on a personal level and on the community.
Change
Use synonyms
 is inevitable, whether it is for good or bad, whether it is liked or disgusted by
majority
Suggestion
the majority
a majority
majorities
, it is there since the origin of life on earth and it is solely responsible for where
humantiy
the quality of being humane
humanity
 stands now. With the invention of electricity, nightlife of people is changed forever. Before
this
Linking Words
 precious invention, mankind was dependent on sunlight to execute most of its chores,
Linking Words
however now
Accept comma addition
however, now
 that dependence is a story of
past
Suggestion
the past
, thanks to
electric
Suggestion
electricity
 supply. Now people have more freedom to plan their day and night as life will not sleep with
sun
Suggestion
the sun
, but a new life will begin
called
Suggestion
calling
to call
 nightlife. Now a
days
Suggestion
day
, there is a strong possibility to stay late at night due to many factors,
for example
Linking Words
 to have a dinner party or hosting a music and dance gathering, it can
also
Linking Words
 be due to shopping or just wandering in the surroundings to have a view of city lights. All of
foresaid reasons
Suggestion
the aforesaid reasons
aforesaid reasons
forced reasons
leads
Suggestion
lead
 to lack of sleep as people will not go to bed with the end of the day and continue their activities in artificial light.
This
Linking Words
, of
course is
Accept comma addition
course, is
 not without effects, many studies discovered that people are suffering from sleep deprivation
that is
Linking Words
 ultimately impacting their health, as a for
human body
Suggestion
the human body
 to perform effectively, a certain amount of sleep is vital. It is
also
Linking Words
 having effects on society as some segments of community can not afford to be awake late at night,
for example
Linking Words
, school going children and people who have to report in early shift at work. To conclude, it is pertinent to note that
although
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
 is important for progress and sleeping patterns of society are changing with the invention of electricity,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the state has the responsibility to manipulate it in t
he fa
promote over another
favour
vor
of mas
Suggestion
the masses
ses
Submitted by manan.safdar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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