IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that a person's success is as a result of the way he has been brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #success #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been a lot of debate on the factors which makes any person successful. Some believe that it
is largely dependant on the brought up of the
Suggestion
agrees largely dependant on the brought up of the child by his parents and I
is largely dependant on the brought up of the child by his parents and I agree
child
Use synonyms
 by his parents and I agree.
Firstly
Linking Words
, It is an established fact that the person during his
developing
Suggestion
developmental
 age spends most of his time at home with his parents. At
such
Linking Words
 an impressionable age, the
child
Use synonyms
 sees their actions and learns through observation. Any good actions he witnesses automatically become part of his habit and
then
Linking Words
 embeds into his personality.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study carried out by Waterloo University suggested that the children who are reared apart from their parents at an early age are
more unlikely
Suggestion
most unlikely
 to be like their parents, as compared to those who live with them till their teenage.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the parents give sense of good and bad to their
child
Use synonyms
. They usually discourage the bad actions that their offspring does and sometimes would punish him for the abandoned act.
This
Linking Words
 gives the
child
Use synonyms
 a sense of good deeds and bad deeds, which is essential for any person to be
sucessful
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study by The New York Times concluded that the children who are raised without the supervision of
thier
of them or themselves
their
 parents are more likely to be involved in illegal activities as compared to those who have been raised under the supervision. In conclusion, the majority of the time that the
child
Use synonyms
 spends with his parents and the sense of bad and good things that parents give, it can be said that the major reason for any
persons
Suggestion
person's
 success is his upbringing.
Submitted by basitnamdar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: