some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree oe disagree with tgis opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #oe #tgis

Nowadays,

music

related topic has become a controversial issue.

Although

, there are some people who believe that

music connect

Accept comma addition

music, connect

people of all age groups and cultures together, while

others

not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied

other

people do not support the idea that

music

brings close to one another. In my opinion, I completely agree with the statement,

music industry

Suggestion

the music industry

has developed the sense of connection among people despite having differences. On the one hand, regarding

music

different culture

Suggestion

different cultures

a different culture

, the best part about

music

is that no special skills are required like knowledge of

language

Suggestion

the language

In other words

, no need to learn the foreign language to understand it, as it is

amusing

surprising greatly

amazing

everyway

Suggestion

every way

Hence

, the disparity among cultures would be not as effective as indifference among their ethnic groups.

For example

, many South Indian songs are popular in north

india

a republic in the Asian subcontinent in southern Asia; second most populous country in the world; achieved independence from the United Kingdom in 1947

India

, as there are a

lots

Suggestion

lot

of difference in the language and culture. Even, these songs got recognition for celebration.

In addition

, by sharing the common

music

playlist, it is easy to build friendship which ultimately benefits the society.

Secondly

, for different

age

Suggestion

aging

ageing

people, chances of making time to each other like the young people and old people unite easily because

music

Suggestion

the music

would develop

good understanding level

Suggestion

a good understanding level

the good understanding level

by spending time together.

Consequently

, the strong bond can be easily build between a child and their grandparents because of common interest of

music

. In conclusion, despite having differences of cultures and age, a person

have developed

Suggestion

has developed

the understanding level to a certain stage by knowing others through the medium of

music

independently. I

extremely supports

Suggestion

am extremely supporting

am extremely supported

have extremely supported

have extremely been supporting

this

statement that the

music

brings people closer.

Submitted by pandey.ankita0309 on Mon Jun 17 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree oe disagree with tgis opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of health facilities.Others,However,say that this woud have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

World would be better place if more women were in leadership positions . To what extent you agree or disagree .

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of higher school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children thi message?