IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum
Some people believe that more physical
education
 lessons in the school curriculum will help combat overweight problems amongst the people. In my opinion,
this
 approach / move will help create a nation of health conscious people.
This
, in turn, will reduce the burden on the government to contribute to the health sector.
Instead
, it can use those resources in areas like
education
 and employment.
First
 and foremost, children are more likely to follow what is taught in the classroom. So, if there are more physical
education
 lessons, they will readily learn about ways to keep them fit and healthy. By giving extra importance to physical
education
, teachers can instill in children the habit of following a healthy lifestyle from the start.
In addition
, nowadays in many
families both
Accept comma addition
families, both
 the husband and the wife work and
hence
 they do not have time to monitor the eating habits of their children. In
such
 situations, if the child is well-informed he can help himself to decide when to eat what.
Also
, a habit
that is
 developed during younger stages in life is more likely to stay with them throughout their life. A well informed person will not only follow a healthy routine
himself but
Accept comma addition
himself, but
 will
also
 motivate the people around him.
Finally
, overweight problems, if not controlled, lead to obesity and combating obesity is a tough task. It not only requires individual
efforts but
Accept comma addition
efforts, but
also
 medications.
This
 increases the burden on the government to invest in a situation which could have stopped earlier. Worse still, it blocks funds which could have been used in more critical areas like poverty. In conclusion, I believe imparting physical
education
 at the right age will help fight overweight problems and reduce government spending in the health care sector.
Submitted by mithupnair on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: