IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Q. Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#q #teenagers #phones #school
With the rise in technology, use of mobile phones has increased to a greater
extent specially in
Suggestion
extent, especially in
extent especially in
 teenagers.
However
,
Accept space
,
use of cell phones should be
limited expecially
Accept comma addition
limited, especially
limited especially
 during studies.
This
 essay will discuss how
cellphones
Suggestion
cell phones
 affect students in school campus like it causes distractions and lack of self confidence. School is a place for studies and students should pay full attention to what teachers are teaching them. Now if they have a device which distracts them with constant updates and contact with
outside world
Suggestion
the outside world
 it cause
hindrence
something immaterial that interferes with or delays action or progress
hindrance
hindrances
 in their education.
For instance
, while an important maths lesson is going on and a student gets a message about his evening basketball play schedule
then
 he will be distracted.
Moreover it
Accept comma addition
Moreover, it
 will affect nearby sitting students
also
 with the use of mobile phones. Another important aspect of prohibiting mobile phones in school area is to avoid bullying. Not every
parents
Suggestion
parent
 can afford latest phones and
therefore
 students will start comparing with fellow students and it might result
into
Suggestion
in
lack
Suggestion
a lack
 of self confidence.
In addition
 to
this
, students will ask for expensive phones from their parents because of the peer pressure which will affect their home environment.
This
 situation might
also
 result into fights and dangerous conflicts among students. So for the betterment of students, it is advisable to ban mobile phones in school campus so that they can take education with full concentration and confidence.
Submitted by priyadarshini.trivedi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: